A
female
age
41-50,
*inkle
writes:I've been married for 6 1/2 years and when we first met we both spoked weed. I stopped 4 years ago and we've since had a daughter who's 3. The problem is my hubbie is still smoking. He is so moody, bad tempered if he doesn't smoke. He usually waits till our daughter goes to bed and then wil smoke in our out house.A few times he's actually hid in the attic and smoked while i've been downstairs playing with her. He constantly says he'll cut down, only smoke at weekends but he's been saying this for 3 1/2 years and still smoking almost everyday. He's become paranoid twisting tiny things into accusations of me playing games and is suspicious of my family and their intentions. Our sex life is almost nonexistant as he reeks of weed and I want to make love to him not him on weed.I want the family to stay together for our daughter's sake but Ultimatums just get him angry and accuses me of being unsupportive. How more supportive can I be I've tolerated for this long?!Help. I want this to work but I feel I'm progressing and he's just staying in his doped up world.
View related questions:
sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (3 October 2008):
 I think you might want to consider getting him to go to marriage counseling with you. I think that you are stuck in a position where he won't believe you on your own; and it may be beneficial to have an independent third party tell him that the amount of weed he is smoking is interfering with a normal family life. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): my boyfriend smokes too. I would like him to quit, but I don't think he ever will. I actually have told him that I will never ask him to quit, but I do want him to cut down and I do want him to quit cigarettes and will not marry him if he does not, my reason being that we might have children together and I would want them to have a father for as long as possible..
I think you need to have realistic expectations. He was a smoker when you met him. You may have been able to quit, but you must understand that it is not easy. I think you are lucky that he waits until your daughter goes to bed. You should think carefully about what you can accept, and what you cannot. then, sit down and have a conversation with him about how much the habit interferes with your life. Tell him you need him to cut down so that his addiction doesn't keep him from being in a good mood the whole time his daughter is awake. Let him know that you want your daughter to have good memories of her father growing up, not remembering him as either a moody bastard or a high as a kite fool. Let him know that you love him, be patient, and be appreciative of every effort he makes. Never threaten to leave unless you mean it. I think that is one of the worse things you can do to a relationship. What a way to add insecurity to the problem.
Really, in my experience, being positive and letting people know that your love for them is unconditional brings a return of the same type of love from the other person.
...............................
|
