A
female
age
36-40,
*ittylee
writes:so me and my guy have been on and off FOREVER! i love him and i know he loves me. so heres the problem hes so wishy washy and changes his mind all the time. hes affarid to grow up and accept respondibility for any thing. we both know we have issues to work on and it's like i do all the work. i do everything i can for him and its like he could care less. it's like he doesnt even try. he thinks im always going to be here for him! he doesnt hold my hand any more or say he loves me, or even tries i need him to shape and appreciate what he has. i dont want to leave him but im getting real sick of his crap. i need help figuring out what to do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (7 October 2008):
 A friend of mine once said to me 'the biggest predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour'...
I'm not saying your man can't shape up...but he has to want to - he has to prioritise your relationship and care about meeting you half way.
Sounds to me he has no real reason to make any changes - you're doing everything for him now...and staying despite feeling unhappy - what incentive does he have to change?
Maybe it's time to lay thing on the line, what is it you need from him to be able to stay in the relationship? Sit down and tell him what you need, let him tell you what he can/can't deliver and vice versa. Maybe he needs something different from you too?
Why don;t you both write a list of ten things that the other could do to make you feel happier in the relationship...
yours might include holding your hand when out together...whatever....then sit and talk through the list, hopefully there would be things on there that are easly to implement...and the not so easy things are what you talk thru and come to a compromise on.
Hpoe that helps!
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