A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hiiii have been in relationship with my friend from past 2 years...what hurts me a lot is that he does not share his worries with me..... he keeps very silent even though i ask him wat happened with lot of love.....when that silent went for 1 and a half month... i lost my patience.... what ever i say...i alone have to say... i dont get reply for anything from him.....i feel im not close for him so that he can share his sarrow to me....y guys dont share much???if i say him u dont feel closeness with me... he says its just my imagination....how to help him come out of dipression.... i got know the reasons for his silence now.....how to make him say his sarrow and how can i help him come out of it... i dont understand how to console him... i have many close friends... and if they feel bad they share and they feel relaxed after speaking to me...they enjoy my company.. and i enjot their's..but the same thing is not happening with my soulmate..he is my love i want to see him happy... and want to spend rest of my life with him.. no 2nd thought on it.. it hurts me a lot..... i feel lonely sometimes... get frustrated... i get head ache for whole day thinking abt this. once his close friend said that im not even 1 % of his expectation and also i dont know how to handle him..he loves me but what is this???????????? Is he not comfortable with me... i have to convince my parents a lot for our marriage as its love marriage... in fact have to fight... sometimes i feel for this happiness of him have to fight with my family... please help me.................
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2013): Hi everyone..im d one who posted question.. thanks for ur suggestions..
yaa ill definitely try to keep him happy and take him out...
to what extent he hides is that he has not shared his close friends loss...
from past 1 year he has hided that.. she was close to me also.. even i could not digest it after knowing..
He says if he shares i get hurt which inturn hurts him...
Now i have not asked him any reason behind his friends death...
i never take her topic... i really dont know whether talking abt the person feels hurt or good...
but atleast once a day i regret for her loss.. i loved her too.. i miss her so muchhhhhh..
cant stop getting tears......
A
female
reader, ohtashhyy  +, writes (16 May 2013):
It is natural as women to want the men in our lives to open up to us and share their feelings. We constantly ask for them to tell us about their deep emotions. The reality of it is that most men, even some women, don’t like to talk about their feelings with others. Boundaries play a very significant role in a relationship. As you begin to get close with someone the line where you over step the other’s boundaries becomes less apparent. You need to be careful not to cross those boundaries because that can make the other person uncomfortable. You keep pressuring him to share his problems with you but it is obvious that he does not want to. If you continue to force yourself upon him, you could be overstepping his boundaries and where he feels comfortable. You should take a step away from the situation and how you feel and focus on how your actions can be hurting him and your relationship. The main cause of your problem is that you can see where his boundaries lie but you still keep putting pressure on him. I understand that you are hurting and his actions are giving you pain but your actions could be hurting him too. I can tell you feel very lost but one thing you do know is that he doesn’t feel okay with sharing his problems. He has made it clear that he is not comfortable with talking about how he feels. Boundaries have to do with the behavior and treatment you expect from a significant other. Think about how he wants you to treat him and how you are treating him. You say you want all these things from him, but what does he want from you? I think your biggest issue would be that you are not focused on the relationship as a whole, but on what you are getting, or not getting, from the relationship. The best way for you to find a solution to your problem is to look at it from his perspective. I want you to think about what could really be hurting him and if you could be crossing a line at his time of need. Don’t look at him like all your friends because he not like them. People don’t always share their problems with others but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about them. In the essay, Why Healthy Boundaries are Important in Relationships on Kellevision, it states “Some believe that ‘love’ consists of becoming totally absorbed by or engulfed in the other person. This is not ‘love’”. If he isn’t ready to talk about how he feels, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Instead, you should find ways to just comfort him and bring joy into his life. Spend time with him in his comfort zone and don’t push his boundaries. My best advice to you is to take a trip somewhere and show him that you will be there for him when he is ready to open up. It is important to remember the role boundaries play in a relationship and what the other person’s boundaries are. Over stepping your boundaries can leave the other person feeling uncomfortable and as a result, lead to them ignoring you. Look at the situation from his view and really focus on how you can show him that you’re there for him without pressuring him to talk. If you follow my advice to stop asking him about his problems and focus your energy on making him feel better in other ways, then he will feel closer to you. Showing that you respect his feelings to not share his problems, you are showing him love and understanding. Putting him in a comfortable environment around you will ultimately help him open up and help your relationship grow closer and stronger.
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A
female
reader, WangEleen +, writes (16 May 2013):
When we’re worried about a loved one, our natural instinct as human beings is to try and find a solution to help solve the problem. As a child, you learn to recognize different emotions and how you respond to them. In your case, you’ve been in a relationship with this guy, whose personal interaction with you is quite insufficient. I believe the reasoning for this is because he is dealing with symptoms of depression.I understand that you just want everything to be okay, but when we badger our loved ones to tell us what is wrong, it could result in them shutting down completely. When you constantly ask someone, “what’s wrong?” it can get very exhausting to hear. I assume that he felt like he was under a lot of pressure, and that is what caused him to be less communicative. I understand that you are only trying to help, but what if you were in his shoes? What if he was the one asking you what was wrong everyday? How do you think you’d be feeling?An option that I suggest you take into consideration is, to seek professional help. If he really is struggling with depression, there are plenty of ways you can touch upon the topic. For instance, give him reassurance that he is not alone. According to the National Institute of Mental Health from psychcentral.com, “a person who’s depressed if often looking for ways to get help, but may not know where or how to start”. Seeking help from a professional can definitely help him open up to another person; which could result in him opening up to you in the future.Communication is definitely a key role in any relationship, and to obtain it, certain measures need to be taken into action. If you decide to continue to let him handle this on his own, it could result in a broken relationship, or even something more serious. I believe that seeking professional help could be beneficial in restoring your relationship back to normal.
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A
female
reader, Sharo +, writes (16 May 2013):
 Defusing Silence Effects Without a doubt when you face silence with the one you love, it’s hard not to keep thinking and guessing the reasons behind this silence. This is totally normal and shows that you care about him. But “when a human mind is left to fill in the blanks, rarely will it paint a rosy picture” (Smith 2), therefore, you need to first define what is exactly bothering you, and then communicate it through some problem solving strategies that can help you get some peace of mind.Before talking to him, you first need to define your exact problem with his silence. For example, is it because how his silence affects you? Like the “loneliness” that makes you feel and the “head ache” over thinking and guessing the reasons gives you. Or maybe his silence makes you suspect that he is hiding something like cheating or a debt. Perhaps him opening up to his best friend while not to you makes you believe that you are not close enough to him. Once you identify what is it that troubling you, now you are ready to take this problem to the next level and discus it with him. Do not just assume that he knows that his silence is affecting your relationship, both of you should explain their motives for their actions to know where you stand from this problem. For instance, make an appointment with your boyfriend! Yes, make an appointment, pick a time that both of you will be free and relaxed to make sure that your discussion will have your full attention in order for it to be productive. Make sure you cover those questions in this discussion: “what problem is he attempting to solve by going silent? What problem are you trying to solve by getting him to talk? How does your behaviour affect him, and vice-versa?” (Smith 2). In addition, here are some online articles that can help you with your problem: “Five Reasons Men Go Silent, And What To Do About It Part Two” by Shawn Smith and “Understanding The Meaning Of A Man’s Silence” by Theblackedition. So discussing this situation is the way to go. However, if you choose to continue to guess the reasons behind his silence, this can cause you to act upon conclusions that you are not certain of. You will both end up unhappy with your relationship due to the vagueness you both create by not communicating your thoughts and feelings. To avoid all of that, instead of reacting based on your own assumptions, share your worries which will help him do the same. That way, you will establish a healthy relationship full of honesty and mutual understanding.
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A
male
reader, CalvinJay +, writes (16 May 2013):
Some people hide their feelings to hopefully forget about the things that hurt them. No communication with that person that you care about can kill you inside because your sympathy for them is immense. Trying to make a person open up can be difficult sometimes because some people like to hide their feelings. Insecurity about someone else’s feelings can make one go crazy. Depression can also cause a person not to come out with how they feel. Even though your relationship with him seems like it’s going to the gutter, you can show him that you’re there for him and that you care about him. The problem, I would say, is that you’re pushing him to talk to you about his feelings and about his depression. No communication about his feelings is okay because he is probably not ready to open up to you. I know you gave him time and gave him space but you should avoid his feelings and maybe just hang out with him. It seems like that you can’t compose yourself because he isn’t talking to you, but that’s okay because I can tell you really care about him. He’s probably going through a really rough time in his life or he can be avoiding you because you’re trying to push him to open up. I know for a fact if a girl was pushing me to do something I didn’t want to. I would definitely try to avoid her and try to give her signs that would push her away from me. I’m not saying he is doing that to you but it can be a possibility. Spending time with him and being there for him when times are hard can show that you really care for him. Showing him that you really care for him can help you in your situation because if he truly knows that you care and he sees it then he might open up to you about his feelings. If someone showed me that they really cared about me, I would open up to them because they would be trustworthy and they can probably help me out. In the article, Why Some Guys Never Open Up by Krista Hiles, it states that “if a person is uncomfortable and tense- communication will become a problem”. I would suggest to take him out to make him feel more uncomfortable with you, but don’t bring up his problem or his feelings because you should wait on him to tell you. You can even make him feel more comfortable then take about your feelings. That would most likely make him open up to you and tell you how he really feels. Taking him out can make him feel secure and can come with good outcomes. If he continues to shun you or continues to avoid talking about his feelings, I would suggest being patient and waiting till he’s ready to open up to you. I know being patient is hard, but being patient can also have good outcomes. Taking him out and showing him you really care about him can take him out of his depression and it also can make him feel cared about which can lead him to him come out with his feelings.
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A
male
reader, peacekeeper007 +, writes (15 May 2013):
If depression is the case, well all I can say is that you're really not helping him by getting to open up. If he doesn't want to share his issues with you then that's his problem.You might not like what I'm going to say but maybe he might not be depressed at all. Maybe he just want's to have some time for hemself and be left in peace.He probably feels you're invading his personal space when you're trying to get him to come out.You mention that all your other friends exept your soulmate tell you about their problems when you talk to them. Deep down it's probably making you sad because while your close friends tell you their problems, your soulmate won't and you have to try to get him to open up but with your friends easy.Maybe that's just the way his family is, they feel they're only pouring their problems on other's and don't want to be thought of as burdens. If you really want to help him, give him some space and suggest going to a councler that help people in his case. Still let him know that you're still there "if" he wants to talk about his issues.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2013): Hi,My husband has been dealing with depression for most of his life. The first year that we dated was quite like what your describe. He didn't talk and would confine himself when he's depressed. According to him, talking doesn't help; he had seen many therapists. He didn't want me to witness his anger, but I eventually did when he was ready for the first time.If you really love him, you need to take care of yourself. Go do something when he's in a bad place and wants to be alone, but do tell him that you'll be there for him if he needs you. Building trust with him overtime will eventually open him up. He may express it in different forms---in my husband's case is anger---and you have to be prepared. It's VERY hard to be with someone who deals with depression. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): hi cute angel... im the one who asked for help..
thanks for ur suggestion...ok i wont pressurise him to say... i have already said him how it feels... in fact i cry at his silence.... even i say that ... but he keeps quite...
i cant see him struggling... i want him to be happy... but im not finding way to do it for him
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (3 May 2013):
 Dear OP,Its not up to you to 'get him' to open up,cuz if he doesn't want to share no matter what you won't help!Yes you can encourage him to share his feelings with you,you can tell him your here if you need him,you can tell him to not stonewall himself and cage all his emotions!but other than that you can't really do anything!Have you considered taking him to therapy?sometimes its easy to share things with a stranger!MAy be OP he doesn't want to burden you with his problems,may be this is how he wants to handle it..all you can do OP is tell him how you feel,you can't really make him open up,that would be just added pressure on him!Good luck
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