A
female
age
41-50,
*elenacutiepie
writes:I've been dating this guy for just over 2 months now. He is from Paris but is in London for work and said that he had just broken up with girlfriend of 4 years before coming as he wasn't sure how long he's be gone. I'm also falling for him and he said he was falling for me and confused because of strong ties with his ex. Now he is going back to Paris earlier than expected (in 1 month) but he has regular phone contact with his ex and said that he met up and spent the whole night talking to her on a recent trip to Paris! My questions are: 1) isn't that a bit weird to say that he talked all night with ex and not realise it would be upsetting? And 2) what's the best thing to say/do to make him decide on a long distance with me over going back to his ex once he returns?
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female
reader, superrrshawna  +, writes (5 September 2008):
 how long ago did he break up with his long-term girlfriend? 4 years is a really long time to be with someone, and from experience i've learned that it takes about half as long as you were in the relationship to fully get over the ex. i'm worried you might be a rebound.
he might be developing feelings for you, and it seems to be mutual. but be careful. it's not hard to know where his loyalty will lie... 4 years versus 2 months?? he will have much stronger feelings for someone he was with for 4 years. especially because they didn't break up over a legitimate reason. there was no disconnect, no fall out, no argument. they broke up because he would be away and he wasn't sure when he would be back. it seems like they parted as friends. and those feelings are still there and he is going back home soon... and they are already talking!
i hate to say it but i think you two aren't going to work out.
there is no real strategy you can take. i would distance myself just in case, since heartache seems kind of inevitable... either because you will be long distance or he will choose her. but if you truly do want him, be his dream girl. be vivacious, confident, chatty, flirty. intelligent, openly care about him... give him memories that will MAKE him miss you.
make sure he knows his options. and then respect the choice he makes.
good luck! if you ever need to talk, you know where i am.
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