A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have liked this girl for nearly my entire life but up until recently didn't have the nerve to do anything about it. So was friends with her off and on, sometimes i couldn't stand seeing her with guys so we just sorta drifted apart. Just sort of sat back and let time go by as i did nothing. Well high school finished, we were friends almost family to a degree. I move on to collage and she is going to the same one, and im one of her few old trusted friends here, and the only single one. I soon realized she was showing major signs of liking me, she blushed when i teased or hit on her, she touches me a lot, and plays with my hair and goes out of her way to find me. I asked her out and she rejected me, but the way she rejected me and the look on her face screamed, that she wanted to say yes but she feared something about saying yes to me. She had been hurt by a few guys and has a history of having a bad self image. Her friends backed all of this when i brought it up the same day to them.She honestly believes that she doesn't deserve a good boyfriend, she thinks she only deserves a good looking jerk, someone that is only interested in her for her looks she doesn't think she has a good personality at all. Which she actually does, and she seems to have a history of refusing to go after good guys and just goes after what she thinks she deserves being a guy who will ultimately hurt her.This all branches from an old boyfriend that literally just ignored all that problems that arised, he was considerd one of the most attractive guys in school but he ended up having a destructive personality that intimately tore them apart. He dealt with nothing and let their relationship survive on lust alone until she got sick of it and left. She then began to blame herself for this happening, she thought it was something about her that lead the relationship in that direction. Largely because they had been friends for a while. All her friends saw the truth, but she refused to listen. Ever since she hasn't been the same, she had distanced herself from even her best of friends, their are only 2 friends i know that she fully is open too. Thus she is afraid to date someone that she has to open up with, meaning anyone that really cares about her for more then looks, problem being their are more then enough guys willing to oblige. She then will not give out sex and they dump her, and this happens to her time and time again yet she does nothing about it, and i had to sit back and watch it happen.Her friends who have held me as a prime candidate to date her to for some time, knowing that i would actually treat her right. They all the know the problem is not that we don't hit it off which we do everyday, its that she knows that to have a relationship with me then means she has to open herself up to me which then means she has to make her self vulnerable again and the last time she did this it left her with a crippled sense of herself because of a bad boyfriend. I want to ask her out again and try to get her to open up to me again but i don't know what to do different to reach out to make her realize i wont hurt her, she believes that I wont hurt her but their is still doubt. Is their any action that could possibly reach out to her emotionally to make her accept me as more then a friend finally. I would do almost anything, i understand how she feels because i have been majorly hurt by girls in the past, but luckily i returned to normal after a period of time each time. I just think i need to make an extra push to get her to open up to me, but what can i do???Something Romantic!!??Help Aunts!
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female
reader, nicole90 +, writes (19 October 2009):
 The best thing to open someone up to you is laugh with them. Get some people together and go to a comedy club. Find out her favorite comedy, get it and watch it with her. Find a good joke about something she likes and tell it to her. Just talk with her and make her laugh. I know when a guy gets me to laugh I open up and feel that much more comfortable. Something that also might work is bringing up a bad first date. That brings up the dating conversation but ever so subtly. Sorry this isn't great advice but I hope it helps!
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