A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, everyone! ok i have a big problem. im married to a great man who has a child by another women. they had him when they were teenagers and now we are in our early 20's. the childs mother is crazy! my husband didnt have any parental rights {wasnt on birth certificate} so i begged him to get a paternity test so that he could. and now i think i made a mistake. the mother is refusing to change the childs last name and now my husband doesnt seem like he cares.which i think if your paying child support your son should have your name. but besides that now she calls him all the time he tells me about it but the things she says sometimes make me want to hurt her. and my husband is like well i dont want to tell her off to bad cause she has my son and i dont know what shell do but he tells her i dont want you i dont love you etc.{we dont live in the same state as her} but now she's texting him in the mornings good morning boo boo wtf is that about shes calling all hours of the night and im about to go out of my mind. sometimes i wish i would of never made him do what we did and sometimes i wish that he would just give up his parental rights so we can be with her and her family forever. but i know its wrong. What do i do? How do i get her to stop before i do something stupid.im tryin to hold my composure but its starting to get really hard i dont like her never have liked her and its ruining my marriage.The other thing! the only reason i made him get a paternity test now is cause he told me he was going to deploy to be able to make the money to pay for a lawyer and pay for child support{cause we're in debt} but now he's changed his mind isnt leaving and is trying to get me to work more hours or get a second job so that i can pay for it i dont think this is fair. when we got married we both agreed that i would be a stay at home mom but now i cant be i gotta work and the reason we are in debt is cause of him and he refuses to fix thinks i need to help but i feel its not my kid i mean i know we're married or whatever but still.if i work i want to work so we can get another car or have clothes or a new bed or things we need i dunno if this is selfish or what but its how i feel. and also he is now blaming our situation on me saying he wasnt ready to take the responsibility i shouldnt have made him but he wanted a baby with me and i told him if you want one with me then take care of the one you got first.you should have done it 4 years ago.{when he was born} i dont think i should have to work so that he can pay his child support and pay for expensive laywers to get custody or whatever for his kid. please help!!!!!what do i do.im really thinking about leaving him. i dont know if i made the right decision coming into a marriage with him having a son and a baby's mama who wont leave me alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008): I can really feel for you and would feel really angry about having to work to pay for his other child. I think your money should be for you and him and your child. I would refuse point blank to give him any and use the money to pay bills and things as you see fit. Don't let it go inro a joint bank account. Your husband has obviously got himself into a mess financially and is finding it difficult to claw his way out. You were kind and did the right thing to encourage him to have more contact with his first child and now very unfairly it appears to be back firing. The phone calls from the ex would drive me absolutely insane. You need to tell him that he has to tell her to stop this as it is upsetting you. I had a similar situation where this woman called my husband every morning noon and night crying down the phone and expecting him to sought everything for her. This drags you down and makes you feel irrationally angry which is not healthy. I got so mad I would have cheerfully taken an axe to her. i found I began to get more and more bitter and even hearing her name would tip me over the edge. I suggest you sit down and explain to him in depth how you feel and that this excessive contact has to stop. If he does nothing and appears to actively encourage it i would be tempted to leave him. It is not your responsibility to pay for his ex and child. You have your own child to think about. He seems to be easily lead and indecisive and you may have to make the decision for him. You are quite clearly a strong capable woman and you shouldn't have to be upset like this in your own house.
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