A
female
age
30-35,
*luelesscutie
writes:my problem is simple: i'm miserable. i'm a junior in college and stressed out with school. i also don't have a lot of friends neither in school nor out of school. i also commute so its hard to join clubs or anything else that might get me socially involved with other people. i do have a boyfriend who i've been dating for four months now and i like him and i'm glad he is in my life, but he isn't very good when it comes to things like emotional support. he is also two years younger than me/three years younger school wise. i'm happy with him, but i'm not crazy about him as bad as that sounds. it's just that my last relationship rarely had any fights and our only problem was that it was long distance, but with this relationship we are always having problems because of our age difference and how we handle things like i like to talk about things that are bothering me while he rather just move past it like it never happened. i don't want to break up with him because he is the only one in my life that is consistent. i'm trying to figure out how to make my life better so here is my question: how do i get happy? any suggestions?
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male
reader, shane in dallas +, writes (13 October 2009):
 A lot of solutions to your problems are eased if you use the school. Assuming that you can not move closer to the school, the key is giving yourself more access to your peers with the little time you have. Some ideas: If a social club would require more time than you allow, try a academic group, logically within your major; they usually meet only once or twice a month. Volunteer in the extracurricular events like selling tickets to the plays or games, hand out programs, etc. Get a job on-campus, the hours are normally about 10 a week and it's not to hard to schedule with your classes on the day you're at the school.Doing this stuff will help you meet people and make friends. This is important because, especially dealing with your boyfriend, your friends in college is where you get consistent emotional support. That's where it'll primarily come from while you work on the personal issues with your boyfriend.As for him... If you're a junior and he's 3 years younger, then that span is a major factor at your ages. Once people pass 25 or so, experiences level out, but the maturing process for your ages is rapid and everchanging... basically, growing up. He may be a long way from emotional maturity, but if he wishes to continue the relationship, it'll be your responsibility to teach him a lot about it. And be patient!Finally, perhaps combine the two. Every couple of weeks or so take him to your school, even if it's a weekend day, and hang out in the student center, events, places around the campus that students go, dances, etc.Good luck! College really is one of the best times of your life, you should enjoy it. Peace.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (13 October 2009):
 Moving closer, or living on campus would eliminate your need to commute. Cutting back on a class or two will reduce your stress and allow you the free time and energy to have a social life -- which may help you find a guy who is closer to your age, and more what you want. You are "settling" for this guy because I suspect you don't want to be alone. I think you are trying to do too much and that's why you feel empty and overwhelmed. Relax. You should not push yourself so hard that you can't enjoy your life! Education is important, but pace yourself and give yourself the chance to have some fun. You'll be glad you did.
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