A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for about a month now and we did make it official. We hang out on weekends because of our schedules, but haven’t seen each other the past 3 weeks. We made plans to hang out, but he ended up falling asleep and we didn't see each other. We argued a bit and then I receive a text saying he’s done with me and that he’s blocking my number. I haven’t responded because I’m sure he blocked me already. How do I get closure?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 August 2018):
 I think you are over thinking the fact that you need closure. I mean if you where dating for 3 or 4 years I could understand why you would want to know what happened. But after only a couple off weeks it sounds like it was not going to happen. If you both didn't make the effort in three weeks to see each other then that says a lot if it was only a new relationship then you would both want to spend more time together. It sounds like you may have came on a bit to strong so he blocked you. I think in the future you need to take things slower and get to know the person better before committing in to a relationship.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 August 2018):
 I am confused with the timeline. You have been dating since about a month- but you had not seen each other in 3 weeks ? that means that you have actually met each other once or twice the first week- after which he has lost interest to the point of falling asleep ( asleep all weekend ? 48 hours ? ) when it was quite a while he had not seen you. You take him to task for that, - and he gets miffed, does not want to be reproached .
To say that he was not that bothered to begin with, is an euphemism- you don't need " closure " for something that was just dead in the water and never really took off and gained momentum. It was just one of those failed trials which are not exceptional in dating; one of those " it seemed a good idea at the time " until either one or both decide it's not.
Be glad that you haven't wasted any more time on someone who is clearly not interested or not compatible, it's easier when they weed themselves out this way- and make your own " closure ".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2018): I'm not being snarky; but you've only been with this guy a few weeks. What do you need closure for?
It was hardly/barely official; and you really haven't had enough time together to bond or establish a solid-connection. It was more like extended-dating.
Create your own closure by deciding when a guy flakes on you, and is too much of a coward to breakup in-person. It's over, that's your closure.
Maintain your dignity. Don't handover your self-respect by giving him all the power over your feelings. If he doesn't give you "closure," you figure that you can't move on?
News flash! You have no choice! Be strong! He can kiss your butt! He's got no balls!
Closure is usually nothing more than a dramatic emotionally-packed breakup. You say a lot of things hoping to turn things around; or you plead a pathetic case. Tears, snot, and more pitiful words. You're lucky that this was something short-term and not years into your life.
Let it go, and this will close itself. Shake your pretty feathers and fly away! Now you know what a wimp and a dipstick he is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2018): You really havent dated long enough to need closure.It was a washout from the beginning and never really got off the ground.He probably met someone else or had a couple of 'also-rans'as back up.You wanted something more serious than he could give to you so he was technically a bad fit.Maybe he even had sex with someone else and has a nasty v.d. that smells bad and he doesnt want to explain.Fund closure by trying to do something pleasant every day. Concentrate on the fact that this was a short experiment and learning experience.Re evaluate your objectives and remind yourself that you really cant know someone well in only a month.In films of course it all happens instantly but thats because the whole story has to be cut down to three hours.Very few people fall instantly in love.If they do its usually only an unfulfilling infatuation.You want to get to know someone slowly where you get to the point that they just cant stop wanting to be together as part of a forwards plan hopefully.Whether its to travel the world, discover every flavour of icecream etc.Make a few random plans for yourself too.You always need to feel you have a few things to keep you occupied .
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 August 2018):
 How do you get closure?
Well, I know many people have this notion that they HAVE to get "closure" when a relationship/friendship falls apart, like it's an instant "the end, all better now".
The thing with closure is, that YOU can GIVE yourself closure, you don't NEED him or any other person for that.
In your case, well... you two dated for a month... so 4 weeks and NEITHER of you made sure that you spend enough time together thus you two ended up with NOT seeing each other for 3 weeks and WHEN you two DID finally arranged to spend time, HE "fell" asleep and arguments ensued.
1. Why did you two not see each other for 3 weeks? What other things/events were MORE important?
2. If you two already start to argue and have fights after SUCH a short time dating, maybe you two just weren't a good fit.
3. He probably wasn't that invested in you. Unless the "plan" to hang out was LATE at night and he had been working really long hours, falling asleep should prevent the two of you from spending time on a weekend. After all there are 2 WHOLE days in a weekend. YET he didn't try and make up for falling asleep, he instead didn't like that you argued and he dumped you. THAT to me makes me think he wasn't THAT invested. It was JUST easier to DUMP you than figure out how to make things work.
BUT that is ALSO what DATING is about. It's about figuring out if the other person is a good fit or not. HE didn't feel YOU were a good fit. Or that he WANTED to make an effort. Or that he felt he wanted to invest time in another person. Basically, he didn't want his life to be altered too much by having you as a GF.
So how do you find "closure"? By accepting that this guy (whom you ONLY dated a month) didn't want continue dating you.
And that is that!
If you think "but I NEED to know what I did wrong"! Well, then you are going to have to figure that out yourself. Did you go Over The Top texting/calling when he didn't show up for that date (when he fell asleep)? Did you lash out when he DID contact you and his excuse for not showing was... "I fell asleep"? Because your feelings were hurt? Did he accuse him or doing something else? Some people, don't like being told that their actions are hurtful. And some people don't like drama.
And others think they can do what they did when they were single, when they have a partner. That the partner will just have to "fit in" with their "normal" life. Which I think... is the kind of guy he is. HE didn't want to change his life TOO much to accommodate you. Seeing you here and there was enough for him. YOU on the other hand probably wanted more. SO you two weren't a good fit.
Block his number, delete it and move on. Learn from this.
IF you want to BUILD a healthy and strong relationship you BOTH need to make time to get to know each other IN person. You both need to be flexible and able to compromise.
Live and learn. Making things "official" doesn't mean you were a good fit.
Chin up.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (20 August 2018):
 You don’t. It was just a few weeks, OP. Closure is for long relationships, not very new ones you barely saw. I’m sorry this will come across as harsh, but you need to realise this in dating. Besides, if you argued and broke up this soon, you definitely weren’t a good match - that’s your closure.
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