A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm an adult whose always struggled with confidence issues around women. I've made changes to my physical appearance, so I don't consider myself a bad looking guy. So obviously, I expect a woman who takes pride in her physical appearance too. I don't have much experience kissing, so I'm sure I'm not good at it. I can grab a girl's initial interest, but I just don't make a move soon enough, and when I do it's so awkward that it turns the girl off. I assume that most women think when a guy gets to be my age he should be experienced and know exactly what he's doing, but I don't and that results in a sort of self fulfilling prophecy. The problem is, the only way I'm going to get more confident with women is through experience. I 've never had sex before, in fact I don't even know how to take a woman's bra off. I just started dating really late because of confidence issues. How can I gain the necessary experience this late in the game to attract the type of women I want?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): My advice is to build more platonic friendships with women. Spend time with women with the goal of a friendship.
Some men don't believe there is such a thing as platonic friendship between men and women, and to an extent, I agree...but you seem like a nice enough guy that the intial meeting of women doesn't seem to be your problem, it's the intimacy that's the problem. That's why I suggest finding a few female friends and getting to know them in group outings: You get practice, insight into the female mind, a potential go-to for advice, and perhaps the odd blind date that she can hook you up with.
I have 2 "platonic friends" who sound alot like you, in their 30s, virgins, a little inept when it comes to women. Neither has ever made a "move" on me. (I did have a rough pathc with one of them, when he asked me out on a date, reneged at the last moments, and then ignored me for a whole 3 months, but we remain friends)
I give advice and occasionally set them up on dates with single friends. Sometimes, I sense that they spend time with me for "practice," but in all honesty, it goes both ways. I get insights into male mind and always learn from them.
When you do find yourself with a woman who you are interested in romantically, tell her early on you are inexperienced...otherwise, she is likely to believe that you are simply uninterested when you don't make a move. Communication trumps experience when it comes to women.
A
male
reader, GRW  +, writes (20 January 2011):
Sounds like you're stuck in a Catch-22. My advice would be to start with girls below your level of standards. It will increase your chances of landing some dates, and will give you the experience that you need. Plus, if you know you don't want them, it will help you to be more confident. Just make sure you are honest with them from the beginning - that you aren't looking for anything serious.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): This may sound really bad but if you want to quickly gain experience, I'd suggest you try dating sites. You might be able to meet girls who are looking to have casual relationships (that's what we're talking about, right?) and who might be more straight forward. I think at this point you just want to gain some experience, not fall in love and get hurt.
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