A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, So I have been dating this wonderful girl for 3 months and we've talked about our pasts. I lost my virginity to her, but she had sex with 6 guys before me. We're both 16 and I just keep thinking about it. I am going to keep her but I don't know how to forget about it. Does anybody have a tip?
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male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (13 July 2012):
 you both are 16. i would suggest stop having sex and build your relationship with each other. you both are young. get to know each others likes and dislikes. it sounds like you really care for her and trying to look out for her. you are taking her to church , going to church with you is a good place to build a foundation for the two of you to grow toward each other. yes it does seem she had a misguided child hood, i am sure she is thankful you came into her life. i am sure she wished you would have came into her life along time ago. as far as forgetting about her past that more than likely want happen. the best thing to do is try not to dwell on it. i would love to tell you it will go away , but more than likely it may not. the best thing i can advice is not to dwell negatively about her. she is young, and i am sure she regrets or will regret things that have happened. from the way it sounds you are the only boy that has really, really cared for her and her best interest. your her rescuer to a good point. i can tell you i have been were you are . and i understand how you feel. i married the girl i could not live without, their was no other girl on the planet i wanted to spend my life with. i dated her she was a virgin. we broke up , we ended up back together. during the time apart she gave her self to several guys. it hurt then, and it hurts now . we have been married over twenty nine years, and it still hurts. my advice would be if you love her , extend forgiveness and unconditional love to her.it sounds like you care for her. her past would not bother you if you did not care for her, it shows that you do care. you are the person that is able to make a difference in her life for the positive.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): Figure out exactly what is bothering you about it. Some people feel jealous. Others feel insecure about their sexual skills & attractiveness. Others feel it makes their sex life less special. Others just don't agree with their partner's actions on moral grounds. If you are like most people it is a combination of things to varying degrees.
A lot of people who don't really understand RJ tend to blame it all on your insecurity, they call you immature, etc. Don't take too much advice from them. They are usually more interested in blaming you for your feelings than helping you.
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 You're going to "keep" her? Is she one to be kept?
Well, you have 2 options.
1) Let it go. This isn't something either of you can change, and you should appreciate that she was honest with you. Believe me, a lot of people in her position wouldn't have been.
2) Let her go. If this is something that is going to eat away at you, and you'll never have peace of mind knowing she slept with 6 guys before you... well, what could you possibly accomplish by staying with her?
I've seen this before, and I've seen guys get angry about it. They get mad at you, accuse you of things, assume you're a certain way because you dared to have sex before them. I am not saying you are this way, or would become this way, but I am saying that if you choose to stay with her I hope you don't turn out like that.
When you keep thinking about it, how do you feel? Do you feel jealous? Hurt? Do you think negatively about her? If you are having issues, I strongly suggest you talk to her about them. Communication is important, and I'm sure if you were calm and told her what your feelings about this were, that you would get a helpful response.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): I was struck down by RJ 2 years ago, and while it hasn't completely gone away, it's now far less painful than it was and doesn't interfere with my daily life, or relationship with my partner, in the way that it once did. Some guys never get over it, but I am living proof that it is possible. There are many other men on this site who have also managed to overcome it, and I'd suggest you search the topics here for some inspiring stories about this.If what's underlying your insecurity with your girlfriend's past is the question "is it normal", well, I'd have to agree with the other answerer that it is a high number for a girl of her age. But on the other hand, probably a lot more common than you might think. I personally know of several girls who'd doubled this number by approximately the same age.Don't bring it up in conversation with her too much or endlessly question her behaviour, you'll make her feel terrible about herself. Find another avenue to vent your anger. If you can't keep your feelings private and under control, it'd be kinder to break up with her, to be honest.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): Yeah, i got one thing to say kid, SHE'S WITH YOU, NOT THEM, YOU WON, good job, don't worry, you'll get better at sex, it's not hard, pretty soon you'll drive her crazy, just cuz they where six before you, doesn't mean they where good, but you should really talk to her about this, let her know you love her regardless, but that you feel insecure, ask her if you should be insecure, ok? talk to her about it^^ but i don't think you should have anything to worry about, trust me
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A
female
reader, BeStillMyHeart +, writes (10 July 2012):
I am not trying to be rude or judge her or anything. That is pretty rash of her though to have sex with anyone as an adolescent let alone that many. It sounds to me like she really is not quite set in her ways and is another girl who is driven by society thinking that she must be very active when so very young. I blame society for projecting the thought even into the mind of girls our age and making us think that we have to grow up so fast and get into relationships already. I suggest first never having sex again as you two are so young and that is really meant to be something special not rushed into. Besides you don't want to take the chance of any accidents happening. Just have fun being young and enjoying your time together without too much intimacy. As for forgetting her past, you won't. Learn to stop letting it bother you though. Keep your mind on other things and what is going on now instead of entertaining thoughts of her past. Sit down and talk to her about how you feel as well. Tell her you two need to act your age and not rush into things. Regards, BSMH.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell. She was a misguided child and I've helped her through alot. She's quit with drugs and she's starting to go to Church with me. I know it seems bad but her mom practically told the guy to have sex with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): It's called retroactive jealousy and it never goes away. Never.
6 people is a lot for a girl her age, and you were a virgin? IMO you might wanna rethink this.
I'm not trying to talk badly about her. But such a different set of sexual histories is a bad sign for the compatibility of two people. How much different are your sexual moral values, your risk taking limts, your relationship history, etc?
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