A
male
age
41-50,
*atinoheat
writes:I admit I'm not the smartest one when it comes to relationships. I've tried to get her to talk to me when we argue. Its like talking to a wall when I call her over to talk to me. She doesn't like talking on the phone she txts all the time. I've been with her for a year. I've already posted a question earlier about my situation. Basically to sum it all up I became very suspicious of a co-worker who at the time claimed to be my boy. Now with the replies I received I see where I was in the wrong. I listened to all the rumors at work. That they were going out behind my back, that they would flirt all the time, that he would let her do whatever she wanted. Hell they even got in trouble my upper management for the two fraternizing at work. I also witnessed first hand when we were together. Because it was like talking to a wall. The only time she would talk to me is when she was drunk. I tried to be reasonable with her. I seen her txt him till like 2 or 3 a.m in the morning. One time when I was at work she told me she was going to see a movie with her friend a female. Well long story short he female friend ditched her and she txts him he lives 30 mins away from where we do. They decide to go to a theater 30 more mins from where he lived. She told me after they went. It pissed me off. All I wanted was the same attention she gave him. They both swore up and down that they didnt do anything. I defriended him and things only are getting worse. I don't like feeling like this. Am I in the wrong for doing this? I see them all the time at work still talking while they both ignore me and act like I'm not there. Does it bother me? oh hell yeah. Today for instance he came back from his lunch break with her. We all work together. It bothered me I can admit. He came back with an attitude and pissed me off. I called him a dumb a. This was all in front of my ex. She just stands there in awe listening. I took to the better way and apologized to him. He agreed to talk to me face to face about our issues. He said yes, the problem is he is really good friends still with my ex. I told both of them how I felt about it and they both shrugged it off. I finally had enough and broke up with her. I'm trying to mend fences with me old friend first. I just don't know what to say. With my ex we had more problems than just him. He thinks I blamed him for the breakup. In return I blamed her for not giving me that same attention she gave him. I eventually want to forgive and forget about her but its been hard. She is my first real love, believe it or not, at age 27. I had girlfriends but they were like companions. I think that that's why this is so hard for me. I know females are going to think I was controlling, not understanding, jealous, insecure or whatever. I feel I was the opposite I let her do her own thing. I let her be free. I asked for one simple request and that was that it bothered me that they had that relationship. In fact I made it know to both of them. They did not comply. Now before I got with her a year ago I knew he liked her as well. This is why it bothered me so much that she would always be around him when we were together. She said she wanted to be friends. I tried to be but when I invited her to a party she brings him. I got so pissed. She tells me the next morning she did it because she thought it would make her feel better. In fact it didn't she ill admit she did apologize and asked if we can still be friends. I told her how do I know she wont do something like that again? How can I trust someone like that. I still get mad about this incident and this happened 3 weeks ago. She told me she still and always will love me, I can see it in her eyes she still does. It makes me so mad that shes running away. when I started getting serious with her it scarred her. I don't know what to do I want her to be with me but I don't want to force her to be with me. Does that makes since? I know shes had problems in the past with relationships. why should I be the one that has to suffer? I mean it took her a year to realize this. Well back to him I finally told him today after I apologized that I don't want to text him about this anymore. That I want to talk this out rationally face to face. Any advise on how to talk to me. Because I know I'm going to get mad? And any advise on how I can make it better with the ex? I do think we can work this out. But I don't know if I can wait around for her to love me one day and not want anything to do with me the next. I don't think I'm obsessed, my heart tells me not to give up on her. I'm just so confused. How do I fix or get over this?
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at work, broke up, co-worker, drunk, flirt, insecure, jealous, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jay_xxxxx  +, writes (9 July 2011):
 If you keep feeling this then I think it isn't healthy for the both of you, as you keep getting upset and she keeps getting angry.I agree that you should talk to them, but be careful as this may put a strain on your relationship with the both them. I think she like the attention and knowing that he likes her is probably why she always stays with him as he is still fighting for her, but she seems to only like him as a friend. I think that you should always listen to your heart though so if you really believe that she loves you then go to her, but you can only give her one more chance.You may not believe in destiny but if I'm angry with my boyfriend then I always tell myself that it will work out if it is meant to be. The best way to chill yourself out with this is to think about the good times you two have had together but make it clear what you are feeling. I know it isn't the answer to all your questions but I hope that I managed to shine a light on your problem Jay x x x
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