A
female
age
51-59,
*blivia
writes:Hi,I have a question on how far it is ok to go to find someone you met only once before but really would like to know better?The story is this: I met a guy in a club a few weeks ago and we spend the night together. I wasn’t thinking I would have anything more because I had two complicated relations in my baggage for the moment, one guy that I had broken up with recently and another that I liked but hadn’t started anything with yet and who seemed to be too afraid to go anywhere near me anyway. So I thought I would just do a crazy thing for fun and to somewhat neutralize my messy feelings from the two previous, I hadn’t really done anything like this before. Anyway it turned out not to be such great sex, but still kind of cozy and nice and he was really a nice guy. I was a little stressed though, over the fact that I had promised to meet up for a coffee the next day with the guy I just broke up with and was somewhat eager for the club guy to leave in the morning. Also I knew I had to make a decision on whether to continue trying to be around this other guy I like but who gets cold feet all the time. So on this busy Sunday I met up with the ex for a coffee and it went all well, we made a good split, and in the evening I talked to the other and we decided we wouldn’t try and start anything after all, just be friends. Having sorted all this mess up, I started thinking what a fool I was to not at least given the guy from the club my number and ask him to call if he ever felt like meeting up again. So, I was thinking of finding out his number and drop him a message telling him this. What do you think, would that make him all freaked out? We don’t have any mutual friends. I could live with him turning me down, but I would find it really tough if he would find me pathetic or a lunie in any bad way. Please help me reason around this! :).
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female
reader, Oblivia +, writes (12 November 2008):
Oblivia is verified as being by the original poster of the question Found him! Now I just need to scramble up the guts to actually call him! I wonder would it be better during a weekday evening? Or during the weekend? If I chicken out now I'll always regret it, right?
A
female
reader, Oblivia +, writes (26 October 2008):
Oblivia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
Thanks for all the good advices. I’ve been thinking hard about the option forget all 3 and look at it as medicine, that was sort of what I had in mind at the time when it happened.
Go back to the club I would definitely have done if he lived in the same town, Q, that is a great tip otherwise. :)
Hlskitten, the thing about closure; I really had closure, it was the ex who came back to town to see me and HE needed the closure, I was done long before summer. The indecisive one I had understood already I shouldn’t bother waiting for, just needed to clear that in between us, we are both good about what is (not) going on. :)
The thing about the guy in the club is that he did show interest in spending more time with me but I turned him down at the moment being somewhat stressed over the closuretalk with the ex, I really didn’t want to see the ex ever again, was even a bit scared of him to tell you the truth, which was one reason I left him before summer. It was more of a duty I fulfilled.
And now I feel that gosh, why not drop that gorgeous guy my number to tell him I wouldn’t mind him calling me next time he comes back to town. I’m just wondering whether that would be kind of a stalking thing? I guess not?
And yes, I know what clubs are like, I wasn’t born yesterday :) In this though, something tells me it could be worth a shot. I have 2 friends who live happily in relations since 8-10 years who met their guys this way. They took a chance and got it. More people probably took a chance and didn’t get it and I will probably be one of them, but I’m too curious to let this go though, I decided. It wouldn’t be a huge deal if he doesn’t want to see me again, I’m only concerned he might find it scary and stalking.
Your thoughts are very good though, I did have that problem before of not wanting to be single, which at that time only led to me staying too long in not very good relationships. So it is definitely worth thinking about. Never again, rather single then! :-)
Thanks a bunch, all of you, for good thoughts, I needed them!
xoxo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): Forget all three...look at the one night stand as medicine.
Start a fresh life, know what you dont want then take it from there! good luck
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (26 October 2008):
 If he wanted to see you again, he would of left you his number. One nighters are just that. One night. You could have loads of those if you choose to. Thats part of what night clubs are about at times. Didn't you know that? Ive had a one nighterlike that, actually I had 2. First one I dropped him home in the morning, said bye and that was that. No number swapping. The 2nd got a cab in the morning, but put his number through my door the monday after. Unfortunately I txt him to say thanks but no thanks, and he manipulated his way to us dating for 1 and a half horrendous years.
I cant help thinking you wasn't bothered the next day when the other 2 were still in the pipeline, yet as soon as you knew it was done and dusted with them, which was only actualy hours later, you was interested in this guy? Are you sure its not just because you dont like being single?
I mean, you said you still didn't have closure with the guy you had split from, til the day after the one nighter? The fact you were after proper finalisation of that relationship could kinda indicate you need some alone time before getting with someone new? It was almost like either of the other 2 would of been more favourable, but when it was aparent those were no goes, this guy will do now.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Oblivia +, writes (26 October 2008):
Oblivia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust want to clarify one thing: I know very well HOW to find him, my question was rather how do you think he will react on being found by me. I don't want to end up a stalker.
:)
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