A
male
age
30-35,
*ockshredder
writes:Hi everyone. I posted it yesterday but did not get a single reply. Help me out here please.It is long but it is interesting. Please give me 5 minutes.It is the 6th month in USA. I guess I have done good in the new country. Have a job, doing course work, have one best friend and know how to communicate effectively with people as I am in retail. One can say I have done good as a learner. Have my driver's licence and a car as well. Sounds like I am writing a resume haha. No but here is the problem.A dire need of an honest loving and devoted partner.I am not the kind of guy that likes to go to clubs and get laid with any random drunk girl. I am the guy who wants just one girl no matter where she comes from and who she is. She will be the only one unless she dumps me cause I can never dump for the life of me.I have quite some positive attributes in me. I just lost my 16 years old nephew a weak ago who committed suicide but I have been able to hold myself together. He was my darling and very close to me but I accepted the reality with a smile and let him go. I have tried and given everyone strength.The only thing in my life that puts me down and breaks my heart the most is rejection. I have faced that quite a few times. At 15, by a family friend girl who just rejected me at that time and never ever talked to me after that. And she married someone infront of my eyes a few years later. That incident gave myself an image of being ugly.After 3 years of pain, at my uni, I fell again. She was my classfellow. A relation of roller coaster rides for 4 years in which the 1st 2 years she kept flirting with other guys, 3rd year of having sex with me and calling me a rapist afterwards and 4th year literally beating me and cursing me. At the end of 4th, I came to USA and she cried like a desperate bitch as if her world had ended and after 10 days of my coming to USA, she dumped me. And she showed me a picture with her new guy who happened to be an enemy of me and her.This incident gave me demons. I became a joke in my own world. I tried my hardest to move on, found a job, started IT certifications and never looked back. I THINK I made it in 6 months.Last weak, I saw a beautiful innocent face girl in the break room of Target where I work. She was there for an interview. I don't know what happened. My feelings to fall in love came back. I see beautiful girls everyday who come to shop but to be honest I never felt this for anyone. My heart pounded and couldn't stop myself and started talking to her. Gave her best wishes for the interview. I think my wishes got true and I saw her yesterday at the cashier register.Feelings got doubled. Through out my shift I peeked at her, she is so beautiful. She is white and I am a Pakistani asian. Yeah a curse that will live with me till I die. A pakistani :(But no one in the world hates Pakistan more than myself. I wish she doesn't step back for my being Pakistani. I don't know if she has a boyfriend. The innocence of her face has made me crazy. I again talked to her. I bought something just to go to her register. And the queue was empty except me so I got the chance to talk to her for 5 minutes. I told her about myself, asked her about herself and cracked jokes about the store. She kind of opened up with me and said her legs are hurting cause it is her 1st day at job haha. That was about it. She told me her name and I told mine.Tell me what to do next. I have given my heart a second chance after caging all my demons. I don't want to get hurt again cause it will be the last time. I will close my heart after another beating. Please guide me as how to move with it and how to track if she has a boyfriend and when to ask her out. Thankyou so much for reading. I really appreciate it.
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best friend, drunk, flirt, has a boyfriend, move on, puts me down, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 August 2011):
 stop hating yourself for your race.... this is self hate not what others think.... if you are in very different parts of the store then go for it.
Have fun... best of luck
A
male
reader, rockshredder +, writes (13 August 2011):
rockshredder is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou so much everyone.There are 2 things I want to clear here. Technically we are not co-workers. She works in one area(apparels) and I work in another area(everything other than apparels). So being co-workers is not going to be an issue here.Secondly I hate to be the race I am as people from my race are thought to be the most arrogant, overconfidant, rude, manipulative and bad minded people which is true, unfortunately, for a minority And I am from a family who has fought against this attitude of its nation's people. My father is a writer and intellectual. We have fought against the teachings that have ruined that country. I am an agnostic. 'I just hope that she gets to know me 1st and knows that I might have come from my original country but in fact I am one of the people who honor science and modern world.Thankyou so much everyone. I am going to make her mine with all the efforts I can make. I am confident in my life today.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): Go for it, sweetie!! :) With all that you've been through, you certainly deserve happiness. She's a lucky girl!As the "anonymous" lady before me said, get to know her as a friend. Being the new girl at work, she'll more than welcome your gestures such as inviting her for coffee/lunch during your break. Keep it light at first, as she gets more comfortable with you, she'll start revealing personal info that will give you a more thorough idea of her personality/lifestyle, etc. Once you two have established a friendly rapport at work, you can open the door for meeting outside of work by inviting her to a concert or another fun event that you know she'd enjoy.Even if she's seeing someone, she isn't married. As she gets to know you, she may very likely fall for you!Being Pakistani isn't a negative thing; I think Middle Eastern men are GORGEOUS and I know I'm not the only American woman who thinks so!! :) Be proud of who you are, sweetie! Women are naturally drawn to confident men and you have every reason to hold your head high.I wish you the best of luck! Please keep us posted!
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A
female
reader, macy.lou +, writes (12 August 2011):
 I'm sorry to hear about your losses so far! I think it has helped you grown into a very respectable man though too. Our pasts make us interesting. So first before you can find love you have to be content with yourself too.. I think you should just take it slow keep talking to her like you have. Then just ask her if she wants to go out for coffee or dinner or a movie, ect whatever you want. Just remember if she rejects you SHE ISN'T WORTH IT! she wasn't the right one. If she doesn't give you a chance because of your race then she is REALLY NOT WORTH IT! good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): Who cares where you are from? lol leave that shit behind and keep in mind not all girl want life long commitments so whatever you do take it slow.
Also dating someone from work is always a bad idea.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): With all respect, I disagree with the poster who said that you shouldn't date co-workers. That's absolutely not true. You don't get many chances in life to be happy... it seems that every time I like someone, he has a girlfriend (or boyfriend), he's married, he's my student, he just doesn't reciprocate, or a combination of the above. If other people don't approve of your relationship because you're co-workers... it's just a job. It's not worth turning down a chance at happineess for a job.You say that being Pakistani is a curse... can you tell my specifically why you think that? Not all white girls would be opposed to dating a foreign man. I'm American and white but I only date Mexican men. I'm not mean to white guys, nothing wrong with them, but they just lack something emotionally and physically. Maybe she would like a foreign guy. You have to take chances.I think asking her right away if she has a boyfriend is too forward. You should make conversation and share stuff about yourself, become her friend... then you will know more about her.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 August 2011):
it's not a good idea to date people you work with...
however if you feel you must you just ask her....
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