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*eqo
writes:I'm an in-the-closet gay guy. I met this guy that I REALLY REALLY like (perhaps love at first sight?). He's gorgeous, smart, etc. but the only problem is I don't know if he's gay.How do I find out if he's gay \ bi without scaring him away? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): the same thing happened to me. i had a big crush on this other guy. but here is how it all happened. we met at varsity and i was "convinced" that the guy was interested in me coz he was always staring at me. he is cute, sexy, smart etc. because i felt like he was flirting with me i started responding as well, well i m sure ( i know ) that there were a time when i just looked into his eyes and felt that he was into me but as it turned out i was "imaging" that. well i decided to be honest with myself and tell the guy and you know what he said? that i m imaginging everything. i really thought that he was into me and i thought that he was the one for me but after that i realised how wrong i was but i least i know were i stand in relation to him. so my advisce:tell him how you feel thats if he drop you some hinds love babane
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2007): I've been went through the same as you.
I've made a move, i didn't talk to the guy, i simply sit beside him one day and asked him if he wanna see go to a movie and he said yes. The movie called brokeback mountain so when it's the kissing scene,i look at him and smile with my eyes than i lean my head closer and closer than hummmmmmmmmm, dats it. we hooked up.
You have to stop waiting and get the balls rolling now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cuz if u r hot, than i believe u r sexy enough to convert him in case he's straight.
so what r u waiting for?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): i've had the same problem as you. So I think by giving you a (possibly useless) piece of advice i can help both you and me... That is if I'm not too late. I think the best way to go about this is not to stall, yet let him get used to you. In the end, if you know each other well enough, and you are still fond of him, AND he seems to have a personal slot for you in his brain - i.e. you could tell him something personal and it would not exit his mouth, you should ask him... Do it any way you want. It seems he MIGHT have the same problem as you, so don't come across as someone who's worried about his condition. I would go about it in a genuinely concerned manner, or a 'this is your one chance' way. Before this, please do not 'accidently' slander gayness, and at a rare appropriate moment, you could reveal that you are either not judgemental, or that you are open to it... Leave the connotations open...Enough of my explicit blabbing, tnanks for helping me sort this out for myself too!... :-)
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reader, geqo +, writes (1 November 2006):
geqo is verified as being by the original poster of the question A bit of an update on the situation:Thanx for you advice Dr Pete, but this update might put things into better perspective. I agree totally with what you said. So I sent him a text. I can't remember exactly the words I used, but it made my orientation perfectly clear, and hinted at my interest. And I haven't heard anything back from him. Now I'm scared I have freaked him out completely. I get an ache just thinking the thought. :( What to do, what to do!? P.S. I feel like such an attention seeker, but I have to ask!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): Usually it becomes more clear what someones sexuality is by talking to them, doesn't it?
That would be especially true if you were talking to him, you would pick up the chemistry. I think you would eventually be able to tell how interested he is in you.
Just get to know him. If that seems to be going alright just drop in a passing comment about you being gay "e.g. yeah once my boyfriend.." or something along those lines, something that seems an innocent remark. It's just one line to indicate what your sexuality is.
I'm a believer that these things kind of happen naturally if it is meant to be.
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reader, stina  +, writes (1 November 2006):
 Oh, I'm sorry that my advice wasn't helpful to you. But perhaps if you maintain a relationship with him then you'll be able to find out. I understand how frustrated you might feel - I've been in that position, too. But at least if you keep talking with him, you will have gained a friend instead of lose him altogether, you know? I know that's not exactly what you wanted to hear, but if it's meant to be then it will be. (You just have to give "what will be" a nudge sometimes. Maybe when you're closer, you could bring up the subject -- or at least ask him about his girlfriend and see what he says. heh) :)
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reader, geqo +, writes (1 November 2006):
geqo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSadly I don't live in the US. Not nearly as many people here use the internet as much as Americans do. And also no mutual friends. He's a guy I met by chance, not through other friends. One of the problems with him is that we aren't really close friends, but I do want to date him. Thank you for your advice, but unfortunately (not your fault) it's not really applicable in this case. :(
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reader, stina +, writes (31 October 2006):
Hi Geqo,
Since you don't want to ask him yourself, I suggest seeing if he has a personal website, like a myspace. Lots of times people write their sexual orientation on their page. There's also the option of asking a mutual friend (if you guys have mutual friends), if you feel comfortable with that. Or else you could just remain friends with him for a while and see if it ever comes up in conversation, but that may take a while.
Take care.
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