A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How to find a girlfriend? I'm living with my parents right now. I graduated back in 2008. I never have had luck with girls. One girl went on a pity date with me to prom, and she pretty much ruined my night.....saying that things will be different; she didn't want to start something with me because we're different religions (I found out later). She started to make out with me because I flipped out on her a few days after; she also lied to me several times. In college, I had a girl to make out with, but she wouldn't go out with me. I'm not good looking, and online dating will not work for me. I've gone out a few times. A few times I've been lucky to dance/chit chat with cute chicks. But how do I find a gf? Ask random girls out is one thing.....but that could be so frustrating (numbers game). I don't have friends either (they all left me). I'm moving out soon. But, I think I'll even be more lonely. All this loneliness and frustration makes me mad at all these girls from my past; I just wish god punishes them sometimes (especially the girl from high school). What should I do? I also have no experience with sex :( Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): Right now, this is something that may seem daunting and may even cause loneliness and depression.
If there is one thing woman are attracted to by and large, it is confidence. I'm not talking smug arrogance, and someone who has a superiority complex.
It is genuine confidence, a person who is comfortable in themselves.
I was lonely for a while, but I put myself out there. It took some strength to get out of that place, take care of myself and reach out to others.
Here are a couple things to consider:
1) Physical attractiveness: what really is this? we are so accustomed to seeing the Hollywood stereotypes, but what do woman really like? What is typically attractive to woman is height, hygiene, and how a man dresses. Most woman don't find a huge bodybuilder guy attractive (though some might), and certainly being fit is a plus. It more signifies overall health and it also shows here is a person that is going to take care of themselves. As far as looks go, many woman are also attracted to men that just look 'distinct' and aren't commonly attractive.
You consider yourself unattractive, so you need to turn this around. This isn't the most confident place to be. Try this, start working out, give yourself this. Get a great body. You don't need to go overboard. Just eat healthy and train several times a week. If you are looking for a magic ticket, this is pretty damn close. A couple things will happen, you are going to start to feel better about yourself and you are going to actually look in the mirror and recognize "hey, I actually look pretty good". Even if you think you look strange, accept yourself. You are strong enough not to conform to what others think is beautiful. Running out and getting a bunch of plastic surgery doesn't say confidence either, and doesn't tackle the core of the issue.
2) Hygiene - simple stuff, like flossing, keeping your area tidy, washing dishes etc. Ask a friend to help you decorate, get some candles, so that if the chance does happen, maybe you can be a bit romantic. Prepare for a positive outcome.
3) Be genuine and be classy - learn to express your feelings, let other people know. If you like a girl, complement her. Be direct, ask her out on a date. be relaxed, let her talk.
4) Listen to her
5) Listen to her
6) Don't expect anyone owes you anything - you've already said that your frustration and loneliness is making you angry at these girls. Its not their fault at all. Sure, people can be cruel, and so is the world. It isn't kind to the weak of heart or mind. This is fact and it isn't something you should be angry about.
7) Get used to being turned down from time to time- Not every girl is going to like you. Why should they? This is not a problem, eventually you will click with someone, just be patient, and resilient.
One last thing, learn to have a good time, and cheer yourself up, even when things are looking down. Think about the people you enjoy being around. Would you rather be around someone is mopey and down or someone who is friendly and positive?
Don't expect results immediately, you need to work at it. But once you get yourself up, it will be a lot harder to fall down.
From one anonymous person to another,
A
female
reader, keiskleiriana_1 +, writes (4 July 2010):
Try going to movies or coffee shops, just places where you'll meet new people and try to start conversations. Maybe start going to the same place every weekday at the same time so if someone wants to get to know you better it'll be easy for them to bump into you. Just be nice and friendly and a good listener. That and similar interests can definitely make up for whatever you're lacking in the looks department. Definitely, don't give up yet!
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