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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I am a very conservative person and do not believe in relationships that cross limits before marriage....waiting for Mr right. Problem is recently an ex collague, who is a friend has been hitting on me. He is married so I refuse to acknowledge his advances. Unfortunately a Christmas party hug went wrong and he kissed me passionately. He now wants to know when I will meet him next. I dont want to hurt him but I certainly dont want him to think I am available....how do I fend him off politely?
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female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (20 December 2006):
 You can try to be polite by putting your point across but if he does not respect you enough and tries his chances again, then be more assertive. He should also consider your feelings about it, not just the other way around.
Be firm if you need to as some men take no no for an answer.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2006):
I think you can do it politely but it does have to be firm and unequivical.
Something like:
"I am sorry that I have to tell you this Bob, you are a friend but only a friend. I dont have affairs with married men and I hope you can respect my morals on issue. You understand that this cannot happen again?"
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (18 December 2006):
 I'd like to know how the kiss happened and how long it lasted. In other words, how did you go from converstaion to a passionate kiss? Did you push him away? Were you taken by surprise? Did he hold you there? What were the circumstances. It sounds like you have good morals.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2006): If you did nothing after this passionate kiss, then he thinks you are up for it....Christmas parties are notorious for this kind of bad behavior, people can be so stupid sometimes.
I don't think this guy will respond to politeness either, he thinks he is a stud horse and the women in the office are his private herd of breeding mares apparantly, he needs a good kick in the ego, I would look him straight in the eye and tell him if you so much as touch me again, I will report you to management or human resources, got it pal? Then turn on your heel and walk away....you don't owe him anything least of all an explanation of your morality or your respect.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (17 December 2006):
 You cannot do this politely. He will most probably just not take the hint and think you are playing hard to get. I suggest you make a holy show of him next time he accosts you in public. "What the hell do you think you are playing at ****(insert name here), had a sniff of the barmaids apron have you?" usually works quite well.
Embarrassment is normally a good start.
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2006): Why are you so worried about being 'polite and nice' to this fellow when he's blatantly, accosting and trying to persuade you into a relationship of infidelity...where his wife and family (and you), could get deeply hurt? How decent and respectful is he to do that to you? I'm thinking he's a first class cad.I sure hope your passivity with this man isn't because you are possibly 'secretly' thrilled he's paying attention to you? Does he deserve your respect and politeness? I think NOT. I think rather than being overly polite, you'ld emotionally detach yourself and tell him calmly but firmly...No way! And bail out of this situation, fast. This is the only way. Plain and simple. Good luck and hang onto your self-respect, because you'll need it. This man is simply looking for 'fun on the side'. Take care dear and do what's best for your future..kick his ass to the curb.
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