A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've recently got back together with my high school sweetheart after 5 years apart. Everything is going smoothly, but in that 5 years, I moved away to London and he stayed back home. I'm planning on moving back home soon as it is so we don't have to worry about the distance for long, however in the 5 years apart, things have happened and I need advice and help on how to deal with them.I didn't have a very happy time at high school. I was very badly bullied. I find it very difficult to seperate in to groups the people who bullied me a lot and those who just bullied me a little, and tend to see it as just one big mass of people who made my life hell. I remember there were two girls, who put me in hospital about 4 times. Then there was a whole bunch of other people who would egg them on, call me names, pick on me in class, trip me up in corridors etc. The bullying really effected me and I was in therapy for years. I now have post trauamtic stress disorder as a result. I have flashbacks and am constantly paranoid about people ganging up on me.After leaving high school I made a real effort to turn my life around and not let the bullies onctinue to control my life. I'm now at university, have a successful career lined up, and have a whole new group of lovely friends who love me for who I am. Gettng back with my high school sweetheart has been lovely, however I'm slowly discovering that the people who called me names at school, are now some of his best friends. He is not friends with the ones who put me in hospital, but he is friends with the others.I know people can change a lot in 5 years. I am an example of that. I genuinally dont think they would recognise me if they saw me now, I'm so much more confident and would never stand for anyone trying to push me around now. But the fact still stands, these people who he is friends with are the people who contributed to making my life hell.As we grow closer, I'm obviously going to one day meet these people again and I'm having real trouble dealing with how I am going to deal with that when it happens. I'm not sure if I can be nice to these people. I'd like to be able to draw a line under it and give them the benefit of the doubt that they are sorry, but I'm not sure I actually can. I have a mental disorder because of these people. I'm worried my mind will just put up a barrier to them out of fear.Please help. I dont want to make my boyfriend choose between his friends and me, this isn't what this is about. I do want to get on with them and I do really hope they have changed in the 5 years and perhaps maybe do feel remorse for what they did, but I can't be sure. How can I get over this and feel better about one day facing these people again?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (29 November 2009):
 Actually, I think it is perfectly valid to make him make a choice. Bullying is serious, why does he even think it is normal to be friends with people who made his sweetheart miserable?
And where was he when the bullying went on? You landed in hospital 4 times when you were with him? And, what did he do to interfere?
I am missing something in this story, or there is a very nasty angle going on.
You escaped once from this environment, don't be dragged into it again.
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