A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:how do i explain to my boyfriend how i feel about porn! it gets me really depressed that im not the only person he wants and he wishs he could have sex with these girls! i ave low confidence and my confidence is completely gone because of this! its al i tink about and i cnt move on with the relationship with this hangin over me! ppl think im weird because of the way i think and so does he! can ye plz help?
View related questions:
confidence, depressed, move on, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): Confront him about it.
Try and tell him that you don't like him watching porn or whatever because it makes you feel unsure about yourself.
As far the the fantasizing goes, you have to admit defeat on that. No amount of talk of p0leading will rid him (or any guy for that matter) of that vice. It's a trait all men have and WILL have for generations to come. If it's not fantasizing about pornstars, it'll be about the attractive girl walking down the street.
Despite these fantasies the fact still remains that he is woth you and that you are what matters to him. If that isn't enough a boost for your self--confidence, I don't know what could be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): Confront him about it.Try and tell him that you don't like him watching porn or whatever because it makes you feel unsure about yourself.As far the the fantasizing goes, you have to admit defeat on that. No amount of talk of pleading will rid him (or any guy for that matter) of that vice. It's a trait all men have and WILL have for generations to come. If it's not fantasizing about pornstars, it'll be about the attractive girl walking down the street.Despite these fantasies the fact still remains that he is woth you and that you are what matters to him. If that isn't enough a boost for your self--confidence, I don't know what could be.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): Disliking porn does not necessarily mean you have self-esteem issues, it's quite possible that your beliefs of what qualifies a relationship between two people is violated. No generation of women until recently, had to share their men with 1000's of other women...figuratively. This is new territory and there are many women that feel the way you do. It is brought up almost daily on this site. Do not be ashamed of your feelings, share them with your boyfriend in a non-blaming and non-judgemental way. Perhaps after you speak with him, one of you will feel differently and willing to make a compromise with your partner. There is no equivalent scenario for men to deal with when it comes to the porn equation, so if you cannot come to an understanding, I'm afraid you will have to find a new man.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): BeccaBoo said: "Real men don't need porn. And that's the truth."
-----
Then real women don't need romance? I do not see an universal 'truth' to that statement.
The problem with this ideal is that women who think like this: "Real men don't need porn" - think men 'should' think like women. I am generalizing my statement here.
If your logic held true, then Lance Armstrong can win the Tour De France 7 times, then EVERYONE can win the Tour De France 7 times because we're all human.
=====
To the original poster, a possible solution for you:
You have to identify the roots of your insecurities and low confidence. Then address them. Once you are reminded of the source of your insecurities and low confidence, then you will see what you can let go and accept in an intimate relationship. If your lover enjoys porn, alcohol, exotic cars, baseball and watching pandas at a zoo, but you don't like porn, exotic cars and pandas, then you have to see whether you can live with those dislikes that your partner likes.
If ultimately, you find you cannot 'fix' the roots of your problems, then you may find that finding another lover that is more compatible with your needs and wants would be the more optimal way. However, if you are able to 'fix' the roots of your problems and eventually realize that 'most' men look at porn for the idea, rather than the girl, then you may continue this relationship.
'Most' men enjoy porn for the visual action of sex, the associated sexual communication, combined with a preference in how the girl looks and acts and not who the girl is.
My lover enjoys reading romantic novels from time to time and her mind would be filled with fantasy and sometimes even express that fantasy towards me. She is not in love with the man in her fantasy, taken from the books she had read. No, instead, she swoons over the fantasy itself and when I am able to meet a part of her fantasy, she becomes especially 'inspired' or appreciative of my affections towards her.
=====
How you communicate with him? Tell him how you feel. Make a compromise if you can. If you cannot, then move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, DLover  +, writes (4 August 2009):
He doesn't want those girls... they are not real, it's fiction. If he did not want you, he would not be with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, bobbles32 +, writes (4 August 2009):
 I don't think it's that he wants to have sex with the girls in the films, it's that he liked the images of a girl and a guy to get him aroused. If you don't like it then tell him. If he doesn't do anything about it then leave him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): I don't think you are wierd at all. You need to tell him straight to his face what it does to you. if he doesn't agree and can't see your side, then i'm sorry, but he isn't a real man. Real men don't need porn. And that's the truth. Just be honest with him. If he's in a relationship with you, you are all he should need.
Good luck!
...............................
|
