A
female
age
,
*hadow17
writes:my sister is married to a narcisstic man and i think she is also narcisstic. her first marriage was to a physical and verbal abuse husband. 2nd marriage is the narcisstic person. her son and daughter from 1st marriage has lived under the verbal abuse of 2nd one. sister was young when daughter born, and more or less my niece has raised her instead of the other way round. long story short, i am the older sister (10yrs, different father. my husband and i moved to another city to be near her. her husband works out of town. she was diagnosed with lung cancer almost 2 years ago, and i could not understand why her daughter wouldn't come from another state to see her very much, so as time went on and my sister moved in with my husband and i so we could drive her to chemo etc. my household became a nightmare as she wanted every thing done her way, and she made no mistakes. she had already became addicted to pain meds as she had addhesions(which were no longer there.) several surgeries later she went to a pain mgt dr and she was hooked. she stayed awake 3 days in row and i called it crash and burn, as she would stagger around house in a stuporlike condition. people would call for her and she told me she would call them later(which she never did).she treated her daughter this was all the time and finally when they would talk, she would remind her daughter of everything she ever did wrong.a lot if this in not so good language so my niece had to be careful of what she said as it would later be used against her. it is very bad for my niece as i was listening to my sister(i was not aware of how my sister had treated her previously. i found out just how mean my sister could be as after looking after her for 1and 1/2 years, my husband was diagnosed with cancer of the brain. he only lived 4 months. my sister, her husband, her son had a fit because i could not take care of her,i was exhausted and they started belittling me, my sister broke things in my house and denied it, she was so mad at me. her son is in healthcare, young and thinks he knows everything, cursed me out (only a couple of months after my husbands funeral) i couldn't believe. i have spoke with caregivers at the hospital and hospice which helped some. my son is a minister who lives in the north, after all this happened he told me he was not going to let this happen to me and moved me into the area where he lives. my sisters husband and her son now have to take care of her, as husband won't put out money to have help for her. he makes a lot of money and that is all he and she thinks about. i and my niece feel like we are being held hostage as we try to stay in touch with her, but she won't answer her phone and neither will she call us. my niece is in another state and we talk everyday, now my sister is mad at her because she is talking to me and i am the enemy as i moved away and also accused her of breaking some things in my house. she never admits to any of the things she does and was this way before being diagnosed with cancer. i am tired of the entire situation and so is my neice. her brother calls and cursed her out and tells her what a bad child she is and i am a bad sister. niece and seen mental help for several years to work this out. my sister has been given a couple of months to live and last time i spoke with her (short conv.)i told her not to live in bitterness and anger, but she ignores me, can't speak more than 2 or 3 minutes or she will start yelling at me about how bad i treated her. i don't know what to do and my health is not good at all, now i am battling shingles. you know what is said "the caregiver dies before the patient" help my neice and i please.
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reader, luckylady +, writes (19 October 2009):
I have major issues with my older sister. Whenever we have a disagreement, she attacks me verbally and then I react with anger and we have a no win situation. Since I am only in control of myself, I have concluded that I am better off having little to do with her. I can not change her attitude towards me or how she choses to interact with me but I can chose not to participate. Life is about choices and how we want to be treated...it is about taking responsible for our actions not someone elses...worth is precious and life is too short to be spent in turmoil.
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reader, shadow17 +, writes (6 October 2008):
shadow17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you fade 878. my niece is going this week to see her mother, but at the slightest hint of being verbally abused, she is going to leave. she feels since her mom has about only 2 months to live, she must make one last attempt. i am not going as i have the shingles do to all this stress. i am going to stay, and if she wants to try and make amends before she dies, she will have to get in touch with me. she needs to get her life in order before her death, as no one can do it for her. as to the son and husband, i will never have anything to do with them. i don't even know if i will attend the funeral as i don't want to even see them. i want to remember my sister when she and i were young and she was happy and not like she is now. i pray she will get peace in her heart before she dies. i thank you for responding to me. shadow17
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