A
male
age
36-40,
*urtandbitter
writes:She had a drunken one night stand the first weekend we were together. We had been dating for a week and known each other for about a month before that. I made it clear to her I was falling in love with her and she was hinting the same yet she still did this. I was devastated when I found out. I lost all trust for her and that's where it all started. felt betrayed.It took me two weeks to learn to get past it. I avoided her for tow days when I found out. That wasn't the end of it (maybe I should have ended it right there.) Not even a couple of week later I repeatedly found her flirting with random guys on chatrooms and even added some on msn and aim and exchanged pics. I found out she even went on mic with 2 of them. This went on for almost 2 months. Me repeatedly finding out about stuff like this and telling her how much it hurt me and upset me and made me jealous and her telling me it means nothing and I'm the only one for her until one point the cup became full and we broke it off. After 3 days of her apologizing I took her back and not even two weeks later she went into the same behavior. Last weekend, after being together for 4 months, I found out she was still adding random guys on msn. After a long argument she told me she needs a break from us to think things and clear her head. At first I said fine because I was upset. Then I told her we were both old and mature enough to work past it to which she replied she really loved me but I never believe her when she tells me she loves me or that I'm the only one for her or that what she was doing didn't mean anything to her. She told me she needs the time to think and she doesn't want to hurt me anymore.I keep trying to go logically about this but I get nowhere. Was I wrong to be jealous and hurt when she did that? Was I wrong to lose all trust for her? Was I wrong to question her love and argue when she did stuff like that? Was this all my fault? Will hating her for what she did help me get over her? She was the love of my life. Now I'm depressed, lonely, confused and hurt. I tear up every time I think about her. I haven't eaten or slept much because of it. Everything I see reminds me of her. I keep trying to get over her but it only reminds me of how much I love her. She was the love of my life. I was willing to give up and do anything for her. I've never loved a girl as much as her.
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a break, chat room, depressed, drunk, flirt, jealous, msn, one night stand Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): You shouldn't have fallen for her over and over again. When you know that she would fall back to her old tricks and habits, its not worth continuing a relationship with her.
I don't think she is ready to commit to a relationship and simply wants to have fun, say like casual relationships which don't last long.
However if she had say just guy "friend only", you have to accept that. As long as shes not secretly or openly sitting at the pc chatting with them for hours and not spending time with you, then yes you got a point to make. Plus if their guy "friends" start saying they love her and such, and she doesn't mind it, you would and rightly get jealous and worried. Her friends should know she is in a relationship and shouldn't go saying love to her, when she is already with someone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): See, As much as you love her she most likely isn't going to change her ways, and she is your first love, but there are so many people in the world that you will probably find someone else, eventually. If you do break up with her you'll know that she was a 'great first love' and you can learn from it. Plus you are still young you will heal with time. It is going to be tough of course, we all know love hurts. But in the long run, if you two break up you will be so much happier.
and good luck with all of this. :]
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