A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for nearly 2 years and have just busted my hubby for cheating. My husband is awaiting a transplant (kidney) and has numerous other medical conditions so we have had a pretty tough time including dealing with infertillity and his depression. I work very hard including travel 2 days a week and do all the house and garden work, drive him arounf and organise his medication et etc....... We achknowledged there were some big issues a week ago and agreed to work at it..... 3 days later he was with another woman in our home. I said it was over and he ended up in the psych ward threatening suicide........ He is now home promising to change and earn back my trust but there is just to much to fix........ How do I tell him its over without the emotional blackmail??
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): no, sorry but he doesnt deserve a second chance. at lease that's how i fee. good luck. get your life back!
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Alright listen. I am a kidney transplant patient. Before I had the transplant, I was on dialysis for 7 months while waiting for the testing for myself and the donor. I had the transplant back in July. My point is, your husband can NOT use his physical ailments to emotionally blackmail you. You are not obligated to be his nursemaid if he's off cheating on you. Kidney issues are NO excuse for cheating.
He is responsible for his actions, all of them. Right now, he is vampiring YOUR energy and vitality from you, and bringing up his physical ailment and emotional wellbeing. YOU do NOT have to be blackmailed one bit.
You tell him it's over by telling him that it's over. Plain and simple. If he pulls the "I'm sick" crap, tell him that he ruined things by cheating, and if he's got the energy to cheat on you, then he's got the energy to take care of himself.
I have always valued my independence, and it is an emotional blow to realize that there are now limitations on my life, pills to take, and extra care I must take on my life to keep my health. Before my transplant, while waiting for things to happen (pretty much where your husband is now), I mentally steeled myself to accept the dialysis, the sicknesses, the drain on my emotions and mental well-being by being patient until the transplant. I had a friend at the dialysis clinic who had been in dialysis for 18 years due to diabetes (which I didn't have, but that's not the point), had lost a leg to it, and had cancer and a host of other health issues, and she was a fighter! I was humbled by her presence, and stayed strong and positive in part because of her influence.
My husband was absolutely there for me in every way. He was patient and considerate when I was wiped from my treatments. He was there in the hospital feeding me ice chips on the day of my surgery and making me laugh (which wasn't hard to do when I was cranked on morphine!). I never would have dreamed of cheating on him, and I'll never forget his kindness to me as long as I live.
If he goes in the psych ward again, it's his decision. You can't allow yourself to be sucked dry by a weak man who will do nothing to help himself get out of the black hole he's in. It's not the duty of a wife to prop up someone who's not willing to do anything to help himself, other than betray his wife.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (18 November 2010):
people who love each other usually sacrificie for each other and what you did shows that you are very kind hearted lady
but his cheating is absolutely inacceptable
especailly with all what you are doing for him
finally if you love him give him a chance
but if you dont love him it's up to you..
actually i am saying if theres love give him a chance
because usually we forgive those whom we love
even if we didnt show that forgivness to the public
and the sorrow of breaking up well continue to chase us untill we find new love in our lives again
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Dont let him treat you like that, he is threatning this just so you wont leave but it is not fair on you, you need to look after yourself here not him.
Tell him that he has hurt you that he has throwing away your trust and that you need to seperate to have time on your own to think and to have that space that you need, tell him if he loves you he will accept this and let you work on things on your own for a while. Tell him if he just blackmails you that it will just end in you not loving him anymore because you are being threatened to stay with him. Make it sound to him that it is just for a few months until you sort your head out. Although you might no that it is permanent and you wont go back to him at least after a few months when you tell him this he will have gotten used to the fact that you wont be around. dont stay with him over guilt as if he loved you he would not have taken another woman in to your house and disrespected you like that.
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