A
female
age
51-59,
*usymum
writes:The man I have been seeing for the past seven months has been living with somebody else for four years. I work with him and had known him for eight months before our sexual relationship started. It is a Monday to Friday thing and is very intense. I have fallen in love with him but know he will never leave his girlfriend. I have tried several times to end it but because we have to work closely together we end up back together. I was on my own for seven years before I met this man and hate the thought of no relationship at all. Neither of us can afford to change jobs - me in particular -so the problem is how to end it without falling out at work? His girlfriend has been told about us but she has chosen to ignore it.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 July 2007):
 Well, I'm glad I helped you.I see you want much more than he will give you. He knows this, I guess. So, that should make breaking up with him much easier, in a way: he should understand why you leave him. It will make it harder because the love will still be there, but you will need to move on.I'm not sure whether it's another girlfriend he is with, or it's his wife. I would understand his behavior if it were his wife; I wouldn't if it's another woman he has no formal bond to. I'm not saying this because I want to be judgmental of a person I don't even know. I just want to fine tune my responses so YOU, my agony niece, get the help you need.You can always keep us updated if you need more help.
A
female
reader, susymum +, writes (8 July 2007):
susymum is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow -you seemed to have hit the nail on the head - its true I do love him but know exactly where I stand which is why for my own self-worth I feel I should end things. It is just so hard to finish with somebody who I care about so much and then have to see them every day at work! He makes it so easy for us to carry on and makes me feel so good when we are together - its the evenings and weekends when I get down as we are never together then.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (8 July 2007):
This is a hard one.
He doesn't have a reason to leave you, since his wife doesn't seem to care. And then, you took him knowing that he was with someone else, so I think he assumes that, either you will accept that situation forever, of YOU will put an end to it. I don't think he ever will.
I think that you've returned to him not because you work together, but because you love him. I also think you know where you stand with him, and don't like it.
The first thing would be to really make up your mind. Do you really want to leave him?
Second, if that's what you want, find the best way. To me, that is speaking up your mind: "I love you but I can't take this". He should understand. I don't think hints or becoming unavailable would work.
I have a question for you: if he wanted to finish with you, how do you think he would do it? I don't think he'd be as gentle as you're trying to be.
I know you can't afford it, but you should try to find a different job. You need a safety net in case everything fails.
Then, I also hate the idea of no relationship at all; but I don't like the idea of a relationship no matter what. As someone said, "Love is unconditional, but relationships are not".
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