A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:basically I've been a terrible person. I have a boyfriend of a few years years "jake" and i met another guy at the end of last year "mike" (yes we all know whats coming next) well i fell head heels for mike but didn't want to hurt jake so i just never acted on it until 2 months after knowing him i kissed him when i was drunk then after it i just kept kissing him as oddly i felt no guilt and we were acting sort of like a couple for months. all the while jake was busy with his school work and i was feeling lonely he wasn't replying to texts as much as he used to and seemed really distant which i know is no excuse but it is what drew me closer to mike the fact that he made me feel special. I eventually tried to tell mike that its best if he stops telling me he loves me as its not right i have a boyfriend and he just wouldn't take no for an answer he was very persistent in getting attention from me which i know i shouldn't have given and at times i never and now after him telling me he loves me and me pondering over the situation for months really falling for this guy he text me after saying "morning i love you xx" saying "i need to stop to fix myself we have to end this. the best thing you can do is leave me alone right now." I'm just really really upset more than i thought i would be and i know i deserve to be this hurt but i just didn't expect to be so hurt and really didn't expect him to ever just come out with the fact he doesn't want to speak to me again especially over a text message. I'm heartbroken. How should i deal with this? please don't be mean i know i shouldn't have been doing this in the first place but you cant help your emotions sometimes and you can easily get caught up in situations.
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male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (21 August 2011):
 Well, I think you need to stop beating yourself up because that is fogging your head and making doing something or dealing a bit harder. You made a mistake, you recognise that too your credit. Many in your position wouldn't even go that far so give yourself some credit and cut yourself some slack. You cant undo what has been done, you can only work on the present and future and change that.
Crucial to this is that you need to realise that what happened was as much due to the deficient nature of your current relationship as much as any attraction Mike held for you. He gave you all the things you weren't getting from Jake and yes, that makes your lapse understandable (though still wrong).
Recognising that, its something you need to address with Jake through means of talking to him. Whether you confess what happened or not is down to your choice, but either way, your actions show this relationship is in serious trouble and if you dont address that it will only get worse. If you can't solve these problems, if the relationship is dead then its time to move on. Its hard for me to tell if thats the case from here, but the main advice I can give you is you need to solve the issues that exist in your current relationship, you need to ask if its the right one for you right now, and you need to some degree edit Jake's feelings out of this equation. If your no longer happy and it cant be salvaged its time to call it quits. Hope that helps. Good luck :)
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