A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI joined online dating couple of days ago, met a profile he mentioned that he has a kid, wife passed away and we chatted and he sounded nice and everything. We exchanged numbers, he didn't call but sends me text every 1 hr Max. Told me he is in army base and his kid is with full time nanny and he visits her only during vacation. AlsoTold me he can't make calls from army base can make only official calls. Which kind of sounded fishy to meQuestions1. Can u leave ur 10 year old kid with full time nanny and visit her only during vacation? Will social services allow that?2. Can't u make calls from army base, I undertones if u are deployed u won't be, but he is here in the same state as I am in I.e inside Unites states3. In online profile, will anyone provide their own age? How true are the things they mention in their profile?4. Any tips in weeding out weirdos? I didn't return back his text from yesterday, as it sounded fishy and I don't want to fall into any traps. Pls help me in answering these questions so in future I know what I am dealing with?
View related questions:
exchanged numbers, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2016): My secret for success in online dating is not engaging too long with Person until I meet them and face-to-face. You don't want to long-distance relationship you want somebody will actually be there anyone a real person so don't go on for six months just chatting with someone you never met.
A
female
reader, mishi 1 +, writes (24 March 2016):
 I can't say about other things that you asked. but I am aware only about one thing. I met two guys in the past who lied about their age on their profiles. They were at least ten years older what they mentioned into their profile.
if he told you his name you could check about him with his name. if he told you his real name...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Honeypie, thanks for your wonderful answer. Army guy mentioned that he is in base, so allowed only to make official calls. That's when I felt the red flag and hence posted here to clarify. Have already blocked his number:-)
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 March 2016):
 First of all I figure I better mention this before I answer. I was an Army wife for 16 years, so I figured I can help you out a little.
1. Can u leave ur 10 year old kid with full time nanny and visit her only during vacation? Will social services allow that?
-----------------
If the Nanny is the person on his Military Family Care Plan as the caretaker (of the child), then YES technically, she can. Social Services have no say in this.
But I don't believe he is telling the truth.
If he has chosen to leave his kids behind in another state (might have family there, grandparents, uncles aunts) It "could" make sense, but I can't imagine a parent doing this, and then have a full time nanny - FAMILY would look after the kid.
IF he is living ON base as a single parent, he would have HOUSING on base as well for the child AND nanny to stay at, and he would NOT only see her during vacations. He would see her every day after work. Sounds more like... HE is in prison. You don't live near Fort Leavenworth by any chance? Or is he on some kind of restricted duty, field exercise or... punishment?
Also for ANYONE to be able to afford a full time nanny he must be bringing in pretty high earnings, and I can't see a senior NCO or officer NOT being able to call you.. only text. That is ridiculous.
Of course if he works at Area 59 out in Nevada... who knows maybe he is telling the the truth. (that was a joke by the way).
-----------------
2. Can't u make calls from army base, I undertones if u are deployed u won't be, but he is here in the same state as I am in I.e inside Unites states
-----------------
There are cellphone service on Army bases and PLENTY of landlines to. How else would a base function? It's no different than outside the "fence". THOUGH there are places where you get no reception for various security (I presume) reasons and many commanders have a policy that you can no bring your phone into the field on military exercises if you are lower rank. But if he can text... he can call... So you.. can call BULLSHIT on that one.
Many soldier can add on to their cellphone plan for when they are deployed. So again YOU can call from the Theater (aka war zones) most FOB's (smaller bases over there) have internet and phone service - again HOW else are they supposed to conduct day to day work? There will be black out here and there, but that would mean no texting too.
So yes, it smells like a VERY bad lie to me. I'd block and delete his number as he is full of... crap.
--------------------
3. In online profile, will anyone provide their own age?
Some will say they are in their 20's or 30's, but I can't see why lying about your age helps anyone? Some might wait with the age thing till the actual dates, but personally if a person won't put their age on their profile, I'd skip that profile.
--------------------------------------
How true are the things they mention in their profile?
4. Any tips in weeding out weirdos?
-----------------
How true? I suppose that depends on the author. I do think people tend to embellish a little on profiles (just like on CV's).However, I would suggest that you go with the notion that what they write is mostly true. Unless it sounds utterly outlandish (like the military guy you are mentioning - it just don't sound realistic) So it depends on YOUR ability to trust your gut or not.
--------------------
How do you weed out weirdos?
-----------------
IF it sounds too good to be true... it probably is.
IF he is talking kids and marriage after a week of talking on the phone... I'd toss him back on the pond.
If he talks "I love you" within the first 3 weeks? ditto - back in the pond.
If he makes plans to see you in person, but keep having to reschedule... give him 1-2 chances - THEN toss him back in the pond.
If he claims he is in an open relationship/marriage toss him back in the pond.
If he claim he is separated.. I'd toss him back too. Personally, I think people should wait till a divorce is final before starting a new relationship. They NEED to deal with that first. IMHO
If he after 1-2 dates shows up at your house uninvited and you didn't give him your address.. Don't let him in. and toss him back in the pond.
If you have his first and last name, LOOK him up. Not saying do a background check on all of them, but look over his FB/social media page. See if the profile ACTUALLY matches the guy.
Most of all... like with ANY kind of dating USE common sense, and KEEP your private details to a minimum, keep the dates in public till you feel you know him.
Can I ask what dating site you are on?
...............................
|
