A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am thirty years old how and completed my Masters of architecture degree last year at 29. I have always been unsure about having children because i am not sure i can be a good mother. Now at 30 i am experiencing so many hormonal changes and the only way they will go is if i have children. I have been ver unlucky in love and dont know if i will ever find mr right to marry.my family thinks i am a sad case coz i am suffering both ways health and relationship and i can see it in their faces that they see no hope for me. should i give up on love, marriage and having children? in my society girls marry at 24 and already have 3 children at thirty. am i a freak? all i wanted to do was finish my education first. what can i do to cope with my choices? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (26 May 2007):
 If you want to find love, why not find someone in your field. I'm sure that there's one or two possibilities among one of your classes. See if you can strike up a conversation with someone who shares your interests, and take baby steps. Do it because you feel ready to be loved, not because of pressure. Have a baby when you're ready to give your love to it.
DV1
A
female
reader, Pork Hock  +, writes (26 May 2007):
Hi, I had my daughter at 28 and she is now 6. Don't do or make decisions because of other peoples' expectations. You clearly are smart but don't be pressured into something. This is a life-time commitment being a Mum more so that committing to a course or a qualification. You will be criticised more for what you do as a person that what you have achieved? And remember criticism means both ways. I am not a particularly maternal person and I will freely admit that. It didn't enjoy being pregnant, hated people talking to me about nothing else but my 'bump' and then being put into a category as a Mum. I love being a Mum and my daughter is my absolute star, my saviour and I love her so so much, what I hate is the stereotypes and expectations. Don't have a baby to fulfill someone else's expectations, the feeling of being a mother or a parent totally supersedes any qualification or commendation from a boss. If you want to be a parent, it will be the most fulfilling role and a position you will never ever doubt, it is unconditional. If you want to be a Mum then do it, your child will love to be a child to you. Put aside the anxiety and expectations of society, do it because you want to know what it's like to feel real.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): "It is better to regret not having children than to regret having them." There are many women and men all over the world who do not want children. If you need support in your decision a quick search for CHILDFREE communities online might help. As for love and marriage, there is no age limit on either one. You are most certainly not a freak!
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (25 May 2007):
 Not everyone is cut out to be a Mom, but just because you delayed this doesnt mean it will never happen for you. Thirty is really not all that old to be having a child. I had my first at 28, my second at almost 32 and now at 39 still hope to have another child. I am a bit confused by your statement that you are experienceing hormonal changes and the only way they will go away is to have a baby. That sounds very odd to me. I know of no conditions that are 'cured' by having a child. This is a terrible reason to have a child. You dont have a baby because you want to improve your hormones. If this is the only reason you want a baby, then dont. This will be unfair to you and to the child. It will not solve anything. If you truly want a baby then dont give up on having one. Focus on your job and your friends and enjoy your life and good things will come in time.
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