A
female
age
36-40,
*earcupidhelpme777
writes:My two sister in laws( the wives of my husbands brothers) always exclude me from hanging out with them, whether it be they're going out on family outings with their kids or if they're going out as adults. While they are out they'll both post a bunch of pics of them together(on social networks) hanging out and it honestly makes me feel bad because they do it all the time. I try not to let this get to me, but after sometime of continuously seeing this, it does hurt. I've even once made a comment on one of their pictures saying thanks for the invite to show it bothered me.Today, I have to go to a party at my sister in laws house. A lot of her family that don't speak English will be there and her friends. Thing is, I already know it's going to be a really awkward time. No one to really converse with and I'm dreading the feeling. Her friends are the type that won't try talking to you if they don't know you. I've been around them before. They'll keep a lot of their conversation on topics they only know about. To top it all off I was asked by my MIL to make food for her party and a birthday cake for her next week and what really bothers me is doing these nice gestures when it's evident she doesn't care too much for me or my presence.Any advice on how to deal with this?!
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (21 October 2013):
Here's what I'm kind of gathering from your post: either you don't have anything in common with them so they don't exclude you to be "mean" but they just don't know you well enough or don't think you have anything in common with their tastes. OR maybe they're jealous of you? Are you prettier than them? Nicer than them? Can bake/cook better than them? So they're just being catty and jealous?
You say you're making a cake with fondant. That's pretty tricky! You must be good at it and that's why you were asked to make it.
Also, try to ease your nerves and just kill people with kindness. As Tisha said, compliment them on their outfits, hair, makeup, etc. Maybe you can bring a friend also because you need "help" with the food. That way you can have some extra support there and someone else to talk to besides your husband.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 October 2013):
 Okay, stop looking at their statuses on FB or whatever social media you use. It's just not worth it, you are missing nothing if you just ignore that, okay?
Post pictures of yourself having a great time, if you have to fake it, fake it!
How I deal with awkward social gatherings as you describe is to turn into the greeter and server and all-around helpful person. You get to smile a lot at people, don't have to get into any deep conversations or feel like you are missing out on something because you are so busy. Offer to fetch drinks, make tea, pass appetizers, clean up the dishes, get coats, just stay on your feet and just keep moving.
I mean, if you are at a party where no one wants to speak your language or engage in topics that you find interesting, well, then smile a lot, compliment their clothes and hair. You can even throw in a few left-handed compliments: "Sister Julia, you look so lovely, I can hardly see your wrinkles, that makeup is so fantastic."
I think being asked to make food and the cake for a major party is a honor! Take it as a major compliment and then blow their freakin' socks off by having the most spectacular cake and amazing food. The added bonus is then you don't have to talk to these people very much at all! It's a win-win!
Make your own joy, learn to look past them to the people who do want to spend time with you and don't take it personally. There may be an awareness on their part that you don't like them…. at least, I don't hear anything in your post that you WANT to hang around with them?
Rise above it, let your cooking skills shine and smile smile smile. You will eventually find your own happy place in the family, even if it not in the bosom of the SILs.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (20 October 2013):
 Let me get this straight: your sister-in-law wants you to bake her a very specific, fancy and time-consuming cake but she doesn't even care enough to ask you for it herself?
You're being used. If I were you I'd suggest she take her cake request and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. You're a family member by marriage, not an on-demand bakery and catering service. If they want to simply put in an impersonal request for a cake and then have the final product delivered, let them pay a professional.
I'm sorry that your husband's brothers married petty, catty women, but you do not owe these girls ANYTHING. In fact I think you're placing too high a value on their approval. In a perfect world, yes, you'd all get along, but please don't bend over backward trying to win the favor of a pair of ungrateful b*tches. My opinion.
You should be able to discuss this with your husband for a second opinion - just ask him not to tell his brothers about the conversation. Say you'd like it to stay between the two of you, and most likely it will.
Good luck and best wishes :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 October 2013):
I think then the best option is to go with my other idea - that you're best not having much to do with them, and having friendships elsewhere. That said, please do speak to your husband, because he may well surprise you and not think they're 'girl' issues. You can ask him to listen, and see what he says. That is what he's there for.
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A
female
reader, Dearcupidhelpme777 +, writes (20 October 2013):
Dearcupidhelpme777 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy husband noticed that I was upset. He asked me what was bothering me but I didn't want to get into it bc I feel he thinks these are "girl issues". The last thing if want him to do is have a talk with his brothers. We're not little kids. Plus, I think the brothers talking to their wives about their treatment towards me would give them more ammunition to be bi*xhes. As for my mother in law trying to include me. I don't know. I've always been the type not to go to a house empty handed. But the crazy thing is that my own sister in law won't even be the one to ask me to bring something over. There's absolute you no communication with her. That's why I'm upset bc I'm over hearing cooking for you. I'm suppose to make you a fondant cake which is a long process might I add, yet you don't ever invite me out anywhere, let alone talk to me.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 October 2013):
You may have already done this, but have you spoken to your husband about how you feel? He may be able to speak to his brothers, who turn may speak to their wives. Also, please remember that in-laws aren't everything in the world. Whilst I'm sure it does hurt a bit, it may be in your best interests to find other friends elsewhere. That last thing you need to is to wind up feeling like you're the third wheel to your in-laws.
With regards to your Mother in Law, again don't be afraid to speak to your husband. Though, please also remember she has asked you to do something, so maybe she's trying to get you involved as best she can.
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