A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My friend recently got pregnant. Now everything i do results in fight. I try to look after her but she tells me i am being irritative. I try to make her mood happy by sending nice texts so she says she is bored of them. Yesterday she said somethings which made me feel bad but i still kept quiet considering her position but then at one point i lost it cz what she said really hurt me bad. Now she wont talk to me. She says if she makes me feel bad i should stop talking to her. I told her it was my fault n i over reacted and i said sorry but she just wont listen. i know she is going through a lot right now and i want to help her. i want to be there for her. Please someone advice what should i do now? If i ignore things it hurts me. if i say it to her we end up fighting and right now i dont want to give her any emotional trauma
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2018): You want to be there for her.But she doesn't want you to be there for her.You may be a living saint but you are not listening to what she wants.She has made it clear!She wants to do her own thing.If you try to get any closer you will end up in the way.Leave the girl alone.Get pregnant yourself but leave her alone!And this is no reflection on how she brings her child up which is also her own decision.Get out of the way and put your feelings into another place.Its just life!Its no reflection on you.You shouldn't be traumatised about this at all.Its all perfectly normal.Find a new hobby or dream of a trip abroad.You are not a vital person in her life at this moment in time.Don't even think about her.Surely you are capable of letting go.Don't even text.I think you have some assumed attitudes that don't sit well with her.Plus you may fly off the handle more than you realise.But thats not even the point.The point is that it is her life and her baby so let her do her own thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2018): As an advice website we can offer our advice and/or comfort upon the "request and inquiry" of the original author of the post. Just as you came here seeking advice; you have given us your permission to offer our opinions. You are giving your friend unsolicited advice and opinion; even after she has made it clear to you she doesn't want it!
Honeypie has an echo..."Just leave her be!"
She is full of pregnancy hormones, and you've clearly indicated she is going through a lot of things. Don't you think she is inundated (if not saturated) with opinions and advice; when you count her parents, relatives, and other well-intended (and not so well-intended) parties? Of whom, none of this is any of their business!!! She is totally overwhelmed, and you're piling on top of her!
Back-off! Her head must be spinning!
Sorry about your feelings; but you're not the one who's pregnant!
Ditch her for awhile. You may be offering her very good advice and support. For the time being, it isn't being appreciated. "You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink!"
So here's some words of comfort and advice for you.
You love your friend, and you can't bear to see her unhappy or in trouble. You've offered her your support, and the benefit of your wisdom.
Even if she rejects it, or refuses to listen to it; you have planted the seed of wisdom. You have stood in support even in spite of her scornful reproach!
Some of the OP's who have written here have blasted my advice; or even sent me an IM scolding and admonishing me. Sometimes telling me that I don't know them; or suggesting that I'm unfairly judging them. These very same people have later comeback to tell me I was right! They have signed-on as followers, and befriended me. They comeback to ask my personal-opinion, give me encouragement, or just to chat with me. I don't mean to hurt feelings, but sometimes truth can be brutal. I don't intentionally deliver it savagely; then the true message and benefit is lost in the poison.
I never feel offended by rebuttal or disagreement. I don't know everything; and sometimes I totally miss the mark. Whatever doesn't suit one OP may be golden advice for another reader. I offer wisdom from my own experience, my education, and the accumulation of knowledge shared with me by smarter people! What I don't know, I study and research.
Not to be a know-it-all; but to see how I can help or educate others. Which includes myself!!!
Always remember when you offer your advice that people have a right to refute that advice, or reject it altogether. You don't accept every criticism or opinion given to you; and nor does your friend have to accept yours. You're not her mother, you're a friend. Even mother must know when to keep her nose out of her business.
Advice is a gift, it can be taken with love; or it can be rejected, and tossed on the trash heap. Sometimes people cut off their noses to spite their faces out of silly pride. They take offense, because you've nailed them with the truth. If you gloat with arrogance, or "I told you so's;" don't expect anyone to want to hear your advice! It will be thrown back in your face! Deservedly, I would add!
A fool will remain a fool, if they reject wisdom. When your advice is rejected, back-off in respect. If your ego is hurt by the rejection, that well may mean you were being critical out of self-righteousness; or the feeling you're above that person. If you back-off and just allow the advice to be slowly digested; you may have an apology coming. Maybe not. The point is to help. Pride may not allow her to admit that you're right; but it's more important that you offered it with a good heart. She may benefit from it, sooner if not later.
Got it, my dear?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 December 2018):
 Just leave her be.
She isn't being a very good friend. You weren't giving her "emotional trauma" by trying to cheer her up or when you called her on her uncouth manners.
Step back. And IF she figures out that she misses you, LET her do the work in repairing the friendship.
It's not the pregnancy speaking, this is a woman who is (for whatever reason) tired of you, mad at you or jealous at you, so she is lashing out at you.
THAT is not what a GOOD friend does. Which means... you need to let her go.
Make new friends elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2018): What a terrible friend she is being. She is only pregnant. She is acting entitled and feels just because she is pregnant, she can be rude to her. Stop wasting your energy on apologising and give her space.
Eventually she will calm down. If she doesn't then that girl has a serious problem of holding grudges which she will pass on to her kid.
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