A
female
age
41-50,
*nsidebeauty
writes:Hello! Topic: I am the girlfriend of a man who is divorced and has a child. My boyfriend and I live together, he is divorced, and has a 4 year old son 43% of the week. She makes our life living Hell. She is RELENTLESS and will do Anything to get to us... anything. We are Always stressed out, broke, and this has been the craziest and most tiring experience of my life. She is a horrible, I mean horrible, person and my man hates her more than I do. Their son is awesome tho, he loves me, and I know I'm making a difference. The X is money hungry, can't keep a job, is a wknd drunk/pills, very promiscuous, a pathological liar, a manipulator, and heartless... but she is MOMMY. My man and I are an awesome team. I help him provide a very loving and stable life when he's with us.How do I let her go and stop her from ruining our life!
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 February 2008):
 You need to keep a callendar of events. Everything she does needs to be documented. Of cours, he being divorced with a child, one of the "written" laws is that she may not interfere with his visitation by using any sort of intimidation, harrassment, etc.
With the stability of your home and the instability of hers, in the best interest of the child, if I were him, I'd file for custody. I was in that position once, and my beautiful daughter is in bed in my home and sees her mother a few times a year for a week or so at a time. She lives over 1000 miles away. I talked her into moving to the same town this spring. Our daughter really needs more time with her, all though they talk on the phone numerous times a week.
One area, if it were to come to that which is extremely important to remember. You two are not married. The court does not look at you as a parental figure in the childs life. If you personally have a poor relationship with the mother, she may submit an answer of parental interferance. That is restricting or obstructing two parents to communicate in their childs best interest.
Good luck to both of you. I hope it all works out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): I am afraid you are in a very difficult situation, you see, I also am involved with a man with a child who's mother is a living nightmare. Here is the thing. As the step mom or girlfriend, you have no say so in how this woman parents her child or any say so, really in how your boyfriend parents his child or deals with his child's mom or how he spends the money on his kid. Kinda sucks doesn't it? I have been there myself so I get it.
You cannot keep this ex from ruining your life by being unresonable. The only thing you can do with the help of your boyfriend, is to use the courts to set some specific boundaries around the subject of parenting this child. The rest you will have to follow the lead of your boyfriend, you can negotiate with him some rules of discipline and decorum when his child is in YOUR house, but that is about as far as it goes, I am afraid. If this is not what you want to sign up for, then all is understood, but let him know and move on for everyone's best interest....but the child, his child has a mother and he will be duty bound to deal with her in matters of raising his own child.
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