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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Hi. I have been friends with M for 30 years now. We met in high school and despite sometimes 1 or 2 years of MIA's scattered throughout where we drifted apart, we came back together and resumed our friendship. It was as if we had never lost touch. She was one of those friends that you may not see for years but once you do, everything falls back into place like nothing has changed. We always got into trouble in our all girls Catholic High School. Both quite the pranksters and both a little edgy. We shared the same sense of humour and we were definitely a little crazy and off the wall. And truly I thought I had met somebody who understood me like nobody else, as she was just like me. There were times we disagreed about things and fought just like sisters would, yet through it all, we persevered. So, like any long time relationship, we accepted each others flaws, forgave and moved on.M has had a rough ride in life. Both her parents passed away while she was still a teenager. Her dad died in a car accident and her mother of cancer not long after. And her brother was murdered. She has a niece she raised as her own but her only living relatives, one sister, she no longer speaks to and another sister now lives in faraway Australia. About 10 years ago, she moved away from our home city to a city about 2 hours away where she met R, the "love of her life" and that was when her life had taken a downward spiral. R was a womanizer, although she did know it at the time, as she was captivated by his charm. He lathered on the Mr. Nice Guy act in order to reel her in and how he did. She was under his spell from hello. For a woman who was always independent and head strong, she was putty in his hands and melted like butter in his presence. He became a drug addict and an alcoholic (although it's possible he was all along and covered it up) and would later go on to abuse her, beat her, steal from her and cheat on her.One cold winter day about 2 years ago, I received a call she was in a coma in hospital. The news came out of nowhere. In fact, the gang from high school who did keep in touch with M were in shock. From her own account, one night she was at home with R and felt sick. She told him to take her to emergency and R refused. Playing doctor, he diagnosed her as being slightly under the weather, that nothing was seriously wrong with her. And that he did not want to take her to the hospital and wait for hours in emergency only to be sent home. Besides, he was enjoying his beer and a hockey game. M insisted something was very wrong and R dismissed her pleas. The next day she worsened and R's mother happened to call and she told his mother she was in bad shape. Had it not been for R's mother, she would never have made it to a hospital and very likely would not be here today. She had a very serious blood clot and remained in a coma for months. All her friends surrounded her and a parade of her newer "misfit" friends visited the hospital and stood guard over her bed, talking to her, telling her stories, feigning concern and bringing her homemade food, hoping she would wake up. When I first visited the hospital to see her, I was greeted by R. It was my first time meeting him. His first words to me were "OMG, you are so beautiful!" And right away, I knew something was off. I knew I did not like this man. He would ogle me and it was clear this guy was pretty screwed up. His long time girlfriend whom he claimed to love more than life itself lay in a coma in a hospital bed and all he could do is ogle me like a cat in heat. It was sickening. As time went on, her life unravelled like a soap opera. R cheated with their neighbor while drunk. R brought strange women into their home while she was in a coma in the hospital to have sex. R stole money out of her bank accounts by forging her signature on cheques and he also gained power of attorney. He sold her valuables at a pawn shop, including unique and special gifts her dad gave her, to get money for booze and drugs. That is all he cared about.Her life was literally a mess once she did make it through her life and death ordeal. We all knew she would kick the ass of any ailment she had. Because she was a fighter. We all knew it when one time in the hospital she had blinked when we were there telling her a story about having a party when she got out of there. She was telling us she heard us and to hang in because she is coming back to this world. And we always told her the world would not be the same without M in it.I had been her friend through thick and thin. In fact, we called each other best friend and always said I love you to one another. She had been there through my marriage, the diagnosis of my son having autism and now through my current relationship, which has been very rocky and she had supported me as best she could.We had a falling out last fall which was quite serious in her eyes. She has been working on getting out of her current city, getting away from R and starting a new life out on her own. She went to a course as an insurance agent and was dedicated to graduating. She did. One day she texted me to tell me she was with a client and I texted her a couple of times after that. I was just ending the conversation. She was livid with me. She said I kept texting her and because of it, I cost her contracts worth upwards of $700,000. Now, I sort of thought that seemed over the top. $700,000? She has always been a person with a penchant for tall tales and lies which suit her. She is overweight and has often been called fat and ugly by people and has never really loved herself, having developed a complex. I think she talks a lot and tells stories in order to feel loved and accepted by others, even if the stories are embellished or lies. So, she just cut me off after the texting incident. I don't understand how it would be all my fault? She could have turned off her phone during that time or not responded to any more texts. But she did not do either. And blamed me solely for my actions and did not take any responsibility for hers. Perhaps had she done something differently herself, she may not have had this result?So, being as angry as she was, she went and contacted my boyfriend on Facebook and wrote him a long message about all my flaws, told him secrets I shared between HER and I only. The stuff you tell your best girlfriend about and never expect it to ever see the light of day. She told him all of my secrets. I TRUSTED her. He ended up blocking her and not believing a word she said. He was on my side. But, still the fact she did something like this was a monumental eye opener. She was vindictive and evil in my opinion. I managed to forgive her and move past it because I figured she was only human and made a mistake. Although I do admit it was not easy.Fast forward to December of last year. I found out a couple of weeks ago when I was visiting my mom that she had written a 5 page letter to my parents telling them all kinds of things I told her in secret, things about my past. And most of it was LIES in order to make me look bad and make her look GOOD. Now, what kind of a person writes a letter to her best friend's mother and father and trashes her in a way that is so evil and premeditated? My mom held back from telling me in order to protect me because what was said in the letter was so shocking. But when I went on about how M was such a good friend, my M could not hold back anymore and felt I needed to know. She said "IS THIS HOW A BEST FRIEND ACTS?" M told my parents that I had threatened to commit suicide. That is a LIE. I have had up's and down's just like anyone else but never once contemplated suicide, much less told her that. And here is the biggie. She told my mom and dad that I was waiting for them to die so that I could inherit their money!!!!! Now, I was floored. Another BIG LIE. There really are no words. She knows my dad has a heart condition. Thankfully my mom did not tell my dad about this letter. And never will. M has always loved my parents and has taken them on as her surrogate parents since her own parents died. And she has always begged me to take her to my parents house for visits. I did just that at Christmas. She was all alone and I invited her to my family's Christmas dinner. She calls my mom and leaves her messages telling her she loves her. She goes out of her way to try to stay close to my parents. And yet, she does something like that? I think she is jealous of me and my family. I think she is psychologically disturbed.And I do not know how to handle it. I have told her I need space in my life because I have things I need to work through.I am truly afraid of her. She has also forced me to buy insurance so that she could get her career off to the right start. I don't want insurance nor need it but I bought it because I felt pushed into it by her. No friend forces somebody they supposedly care about to do something against their wishes in order to gain from them. Then she blames me, accusing me of not wanting to see her succeed. She is so wrong there. Dead wrong. I am not the bad person she paints me out to be. She has a very dark side which could be dangerous.I hope you could advise me on how to deal with her. If I push her away, I am not sure what she could do. But I truly do not want her in my life anymore after what she has done. Some things are impossible to repair. If I am her friend, I would hate to see how she treats her enemies.
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alcoholic, best friend, christmas, drugs, drunk, facebook, I love you, jealous, money, overweight, text, womaniser Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2018): This woman has, as you say, had a 'rough ride' in life.She needs help, urgently, before she goes off the rails entirely.As a longstanding friend, you can choose whether to see this as the start of her breakdown - that's what I think this is - or just dump her. I think it is at least worth a shot to try to help her one final time.I think she fears abandonment underneath all of this - she fears this so much she is desperate to feel loved, including by your own parents - sadly, she is offering her own love in hope she will be unconditionally loved in return.She has never had what you've had. The emotional security and support from parents. I'm not saying go down the route of letting her ride rough-shod over your life - it is extremely important that you set rules and boundaries with her. But I honestly think she needs urgent counselling and / or anti-depressant medication and / or help with organising her life into a healthier routine for her - it's like she still doesn't know where to start but is desperately trying to get it right - when she doesn't, she fears being utterly alone, so she becomes forceful and 'vindictive'. My guess is that underneath this she is terrified.Whether she can actually be helped or not I am not sure - but it would be worth a shot to try to help her.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 April 2018):
 Cut her off and out of your life.
What she is doing is insidious but still VERY obvious harassment and defamation of character.
I don't think she is mentally stable, that is for sure. And no, this is not how a friend treat friends.
Personally? I would contact a lawyer and ask advice. I would have her number BLOCKED on your parents phone (if you can) and IF the lawyer thinks it is a good idea then I would confront her. For contacting your BF and your parents. You might NOT be able to have a "no contact order" against her, but you might also be able to do just so. I suggest you get a copy of the letter she wrote your parent and screenshots of the messages she sent your BF.
I would NOT just bend over and let her do this to you and your loved ones. This would stop NOW.
And CANCEL the insurance she "made" you buy.
I highly doubt you cost her a $700,000 deal by texting. And there is no way for her to prove that as fact.
Cutting her off will not make her MORE dangerous than she already is. The thing is SHE doesn't CARE.
If you can't handle a confrontation and legal advice. Then why not JUST block her? Be unavailable?
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