A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend of mine that I can talk to anything about, but I can't stand talking to him about my sexual past with women. Whether it be from a simple kiss, to sleeping with someone. He asks more questions and gets into detail and kind of has a history of not running his mouth, but just asking alot of questions to the point that you wonder, "I talked to you about this a month ago, why are you still talking about this?" This friend of mine keeps telling me about another buddy of mine that is starting to date a girl that I had a drunken makeout with years ago before I started dating my now, fiance. I have never really talked about it, just because that isn't who i am. I don't think its "cool" to brag about that kind of stuff. Two questions. Do I have to tell the buddy that started dating this girl that we had kissed a long time ago? I have always believed if there was no sex involved, I don't need to know about a girls past.Secondly, am I wrong if I lie to this friend that tries to divulge in my personal life too much? Its not that i don't trust him, but he's a person that will ask and ask and ask about this kind of stuff and I don't like talking about it. If i say "i don't wanna talk about it, he'll know it did happen, and if i say yes, he'll ask too many questions. What to do?
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male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (19 July 2011):
Classic example of a guy who isn't getting any and has to rely on vicarious thrills from friends.
When I was 17 my equally 'unlaid' friend and I would go into great detail with one another (just not mentioning any names for chivalry's sake) on those pathetically rare occasions when he or I finally managed anything with a girl, but this was simply a two-person Nerds Mutual Support Society. Your case is is different.You're two grown men and at your ages it's ridiculous for him to be acting this way. Just tell him it's none of his business (and putting it that harshly may well be what's needed) and while you're at it tell him to get out there and go collect the raw material for a few of his own stories so he doesn't need to hear about yours.
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 You need to come up with an arsenal of "disarming" responses that let him know he is being nosy, rude, etc.
Get comfortable with them by practicing saying them in a mirror.
"Gentlemen do not say"
"Why do you need to know?"
"That is really nosy, why do you need to know?"
If he thinks your response is admission-let him think what he wants.
He he keeps pestering you, it is OK to tell someone
"You do not seem to get the hint, so I am going to be direct with you..ok buddy? I find it rude and crass that you keep trying to bring this up. If you keep pestering me about stuff that I am trying to GENTLY let you know is none of your business....you will find yourself with one less friend."
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 Mate don't tell this guy ANYTHING! You've heard the expression loose lips sink ships. Your private life is none of his business and a personal thing between you and the girl concerned only. I have a relation like your friend who probes and probes and probes to find out every thing about people and situations and then loves to be the one who knows everything and spouts it all out. I don't tell her anything I don't want repeated. In fact I've now found it's better to let her do most of the talking when we are together and then you can't accidentally say something she pounces on.
When he starts to ask you stuff change the subject, if you keep it up for long enough he will give up asking you. People like him are dangerous! Button that lip for sure!!!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (19 July 2011):
Mate don't tell this guy ANYTHING!
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