A
male
age
36-40,
*rclutch
writes:Hi everyone. My girlfriend and I of 1 year and 3 months recently broke it off a couple days ago. She is 23 and I am 26 years old. She initiated the breakup, and although a lot of emotions were shown from the both of us, it was very mutual and I did my best to take it well.Work has been really hectic for her lately. She recently came across financial issues, especially with school. On top of that, she is trying to resolve some issues she has within her own family, feeling distant with her parents and her brother.For the past couple weeks, she hasn't seemed like herself. She's been really moody and has rarely cracked a smile. We suspected that the birth control may have played a role, which she got off of a week ago. I've done my best to make her smile and be supportive. But it seems like because of her distance and mood, we've argued over many small things as of late.She broke up with me a couple days ago. Before this month, we were really happy together. But the past couple weeks have been hard on the both of us, especially herself. Her reasons for the breakup is that she feels like she depends on me too much for her happiness, when she wants to discover that in herself. She also feels like it's hard to be happy with me with what's happened lately. Last but not least, she mentioned that lately, she felt like I'm not the one for her.Our breakup was very calm and mutual. I never got angry at her and I took responsibility for everything, especially how she felt about us. It's hard for her to say, but she told me she still loves me. She also wants to remain friends and have me around. It's important to note that she doesn't have much friends and almost has absolutely no guy friends. Also to reassure, I know she isn't talking to anyone else.The past couple days during our breakup has me confused though. Despite everything that was said, she seemed more comforted being with me afterwards. We've been holding each other, caressing one another, kissing each other, and even made each other smile and laugh. It seems like we've been more intimate with each other in the past couple days of our breakup than the past two weeks alone. All in all, we've just seemed more connected.I politely turned down her request to remain friends. I told her that I can't pretend to be her friend, when I'm always going to want something much more. I told her how much I still love her and will always love her. She actually smiled when I told her all of this. I promised that not only is she going to discover herself, but I'm going to do the same, and when our paths cross again, she'll see a much better me. I said that she'll discover that the one has always been here for her, it's just that he has to better himself before she realizes that.Do you think I'm going the right way about this? I just started going through a no-contact phase, and as hard as it'll be, I hope we both discover ourselves and one another during this time. Also, do you feel that her feelings for me are still there? Regardless, I'm definitely going to give her all the time to discover what she needs. But I'm definitely not giving up on her nor us.Thanks for all your help in advance!
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 I think you have handled this really well and are continuing to do all the right things. It could be that her head is a bit messed up through all the problems she is having at the moment.
All the best mate hope this all works out for you.
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