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How do I deal with my friends so that my life can be less stressful?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 May 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 5 May 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

hey everyone, here goes ( sorry its long)

So ive been best friends with this girl ( lets call her A ) for about five years, soon we developed our own group, there were four of us. best mates, did everything together and shared it all. However me and A were always the closest She told me things she didnt tell the other two.

even now she still does the same , everyday i would listen to her problems ( her life is more exiting than mine ) and help her with anything she needed. I tried my best to always be there for her. A few weeks ago she turned against me and this is what she said :

- You make too many jokes , I dont like the random things you say and you are too optimistic about everything

- No one is going to want to be your friend at university ( as i am going uni very soon) cuz they dont want to listen to the crap you talk about

- Did your parents ever teach you to grow up , my parents did , i dont think your parents taught you

- All your otherfriends are weirdos why do you hang out with them

- You seem to think you can tell me everything , ive already got so much going on i dont want to know , ive got to the point that i just dont care.

So this happend , i was shocked, this girl was my bestfriend , and conviently she turned the other two girls against me too, i'd forgotten to mention something about a guy i had become friends with , not close, just talked occaisionaly , nothing important and i had mentioned it to A once but i had forgotten to tell the other two ( since we started college i dont see them as much ) So she goes to the other two that i didnt tell them because i do not trust them, which is utter crap- She herself has hidden so much from them. So then all three of them got together had a go at me but said they wanted to be friends with me still but i had to change( i didnt mention A's secrets to the other two i felt it would not be fair) . We already booked our holiday together so i let it go, i ended up apologising ( i despise arguements and usually end up taking the blame)

few weeks on and its awkward , ive been busy with exams and they think i dont spend time with them , so i spent my lunch today ( whole hour) with them as they said we want to see you more( dunno why) . All they did was ignore me or make it real awkward for me so i have to leave. i get singled out and blanked. Its affecting me so much , everyday i feel like rubbish, i cant concentrate on my studies, i dont eat properly, i feel lonely, i have other friends but its not the same. At home my aunts very ill and she just had a baby so my mum has gone to help her, so im stuck with taking care of my younger siblings and my family. what should i do? please any advice would be greatly appreciated

Thank you for everyone who responds xx

View related questions: best friend, university

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so so so much

i feel much better and i have taken your comments on board

thank you again! xxxx

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A female reader, Latti United States +, writes (5 May 2012):

I think A maybe jealous! Misery loves company and just because your not complaining about everything and always in some drama...your a goody 2 shoes. Don't allow them to discourage you! Stay focused on school, continue helping your family and keep the rat pack at arms lenght.

Sometimes when people we think are our friends....show their true colors...it hurts, but its for our own good. Now you know you can't trust her and it time to move on from them. You will find new friends who like you and how optimistic you are. I'm mean REALLY...the worse thing she could say about you is that your " Optimistic". She's a joke! She sounds like one of the mean girls, lol. You'll be fine.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (5 May 2012):

Aunty BimBim agony auntseems you are ready to move on to adulthood and these little girls are stuck in the schoolyard.

You've asked what to do, so here goes. You continue to help your family as they need you, care for your siblings and make sure everything is okay at home so your mother has less things to worry about while she helps her sick sister.

You continue to study and sit exams, and prepare yourself for the future.

You remain polite and approachable for your friends, if they contact you to go out, if it is convenient go, if not, dont.

Sometimes friendships run their course, this doesnt mean you cut these girls dead, it simply means you step back from their pettiness, and leave them to it.

As for the tirade from A, it sounds to me she isnt going to Uni and there may be some jealousy in there, she's just looking for ways to bring you down. I am sure you dont need us to refute each and every statement of hers, helping your parents with your younger siblings indicates your parents did indeed help you grow up, as for the 'too optimistic' comment LOL I laugh in her face.

Keep on as you are, it looks to me like you are on the right track.

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