A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a male married 17 years now. I have a great wife and child. Our relationship is great and there is nothing missing. However, I have always felt an attraction toward a friends wife fir 3 or 4 years now. We are both big flirts and have a good time. Recently she expressed that she has had similar feelings for me. Her marriage is smoe what rocky. We have talked abourt our feelings towards each other only to find a deeper connection. I feel like she is my soul mate and we are so much alike. We met for lunch one day after we discovered that we had feelings for each other. We both agreed that. Giving into this would hurt too many people. We meet for lunch now and then to discuss this and have exchanged multiple emails. We have kissed at lunch and continue to discuss how moving further forward is such a bad idea. Today at lunch she went further and we almost had sex in the back or my truck. I said no. It was so hard to do. For a month now I can't stop thinking about her. And today after her offer I regret my choice. I am so confused. I love my wife but I think this woman is my soul mate. It is so hard to be near her. I have lost my appetite, fall asleep and first thing when I wake I'm thinking of her. As I said we have not had sex and I feel so strongly towards her. I need help and advice. I want to tellmy wife that I have these feelings but I know that her jealousy will get the best of her and the fight will happen which willdrive me towards this other woman. I can't think at work, my chest is tight with all these emotions. Please guide me. I probably left so much out. Signed, Loving two women
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at work, flirt, friend's wife, jealous, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (3 June 2010):
 So true, Q. So true. Bad things happen when the dick runs the show.
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (3 June 2010):
Something is lacking in your marriage whether you want to acknowledge it or not; you're being dishonest with your wife and yourself. What attracts you so much to this woman? What does she have that your wife lacks? Are you prepared to deal with this woman's husband should you continue this relationship? Have you considered that the reality of who this woman is will not live up to the fantasy you've created in your head? Lifecoach makes a good point: you make time to have dates with this woman, but now with your own wife. Do you see how screwed up this is?It's likely that you will not end up with this woman, as she is married, and destroy your own marriage.
I suggest that you seriously examine what's missing in your life and talk to your wife about this, not about your feelings for another woman. Snap out of your fantasy-world and re-focus the time and energy you put into pining away for this woman into improving your marriage.
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A
male
reader, snikneJBP +, writes (2 June 2010):
Don't be fooled. Believe in what you can see and understand with your mind, and feel in your heart. You would not be asking these questions if this other woman truly was your soul mate. You would already be with her. You said it yourself in your message, "I love my wife". Believe in your own words. Besides, would you really end up having sex in the back of a truck with your one and only 'soul-mate'? Don't be fooled.
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A
female
reader, LifeCoach  +, writes (2 June 2010):
You could destroy everything!! Take strong note of this.. You have a great wife already.. Take care of that and protect and honor the trust between you. You have kids too.. Do you want to possibly loose what you have out of lust.!!! .... There are many many good people out there.. With great qualities... And some you willl sync with more... You are at a place where your character is being tested and already you are starting to fail! I strongly suggest you work on your marraige and don't take your wife for granted. You say you love her!.. But do you really know what that means! Trust means love. Respect means love. Admiration means love. You are not showing these by what you are doing behind her back. You are having these intense feelings because you are at the lust time, secretly meeting ip and someone really talking with you. Trust me it's only lust and if you were to go down this road and split with you wife you would soon find out what you really had. I would stay away from this woman. Period.. If she really loved you back.. She would leave you alone in your happy family. But she is being selfish and fulfilling her emotional need to you with her troubled marraige. I'm sure she don't realise this but you already having an emotional affair and that's how they pretty much start out. Any friends you feel an attraction for you should not see them and avoid them. You are responsible for your actions and are being selfish by meeting up with her. Your also gaining and seeking something from this, excitiment and you feel important. By having these feelings acknoleged by her. You need to save your marraige before you do any more damage. Stop being selfish and start going out on dates with your wife. You can never compair dates with your wife and this new exciting woman in your life. It's not fair and obvoius something is wrong in your marriage for you to go out. Most likely with your self esteem. You have to do what's going to protect your family and as much as you hav feelings you have to rule your head or it will rule you. I hope you make the right choice.. And stay put with your wife and cut this other woman out. Once trust is lost it's very hard to get back.. Do not feed into this as ultimatly all will be hurt. And the ones you say you love the most will be hurt the most. If you continue be prepaired for your wife going through feelings like someone died! You will rip the foundation of her life from under her feet. Do you love your wife enough to protect her from one of the worst pains in this life.! You have to think of others feelings and stop being selfish in what you want. You have your soul mate under your nose.. Your wife.. Talk with her.. Really talk with her and get to know her all over again.. Please don't make the bggest mistake of your life.. I hope you realise you are incontrol of what you do so stop following what you think you feel. Theses feelings feel strong and you may think they are real. You are under a state of concussion mixed wtb excitiment. You need to back off and appreciate what you have and be thankful and grateful for all the things you have and not look outside of marraige but build on the foundations of marriage with your wife. Spice it up by going on dates and create a stronger bond where you do not allow anyone including your self to mess your life up. Think hard and be wise. Good luck
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