A
female
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*littleredcutiex
writes:Hiya. i have wrote on here before concerning my ex. We keep going on and off and frankly its messing my head up. I was with him for a almost a year but were friends for over 2 years. We spilt up in September 2006 but have since been fooling around every now and again. He has currently been seeing a depression counsellor for over 5 months and he says that he needs to sort his head out so that we can be together again properly and for us to be happy. He says that he needs time + space, but when i ask him if its okay to phone him he says its ok and we usually have a quick chat in the afternoon and at night we talk for bout 20 minutes to an hour depending. The thing is though he is really confusing me he says he cannot go without seeing me, so how can i give him space?. He says he loves me and he'd do anything for me. Though he gets in depressive moods (which is understandable) where he says he wants nothing to do with me and that he thinks i'm the one who's making him depressed and that i'm not giving him space and its getting on top of him, but the next day tells me that he was in a mood and that he didnt mean it. What the hell am i meant to do?He's everything i want but it feels like i'm putting all the effort in and its really draining me.I don't really know what i'm asking, i just need help/advice on how to deal with this and how do i give him the space he wants.
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female
reader, xlittleredcutiex +, writes (16 February 2007):
xlittleredcutiex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice.i'm going to try and be cool and just be there for him and support him when he needs me.male reader, anonymous- I don't understand by what you mean about- "Find what your goals are for your life and you will find your answer to this situation."my goal is to become his girlfriend again and have a happy relationship with him but we can't do this at the minute because of what he's going through.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): I answer peoples questions on here nightly and I always am the first one to suggest playing a game in detail. For the first time I am absolutely positive that playing a game in this situation will NOT be a solution!This guy is having mental problems and is going to need a combination of therepy and medications to get him past it. HE seems certain that he has a problem and by him saying "he wants nothing to do with me and that he thinks i'm the one who's making him depressed" Is proof that he is suffering from something that is a mystery to him and knows where not to look for help. I think this man loves you and now more than ever NEEDS YOU to come through for him and stay with him. He needs your love and support through this. And only if you really love him can you do this effectively because it's going to be tough and is a true test to your commitment...Here's the downside though: When someone overcomes something as huge as what i'm thinking he is going through, they are ready to start fresh when they are ready to let healing start. In other words, if this is the case, you are now at high risk to be let down when all is said and done.I for one am somewhat a selfless person and I see it like this: When my time has come for me to die, I will die alone. I will only have my memories to ponder while slipping into my eternal sleep. I want to be able to feel as though I was a good, fair and decent man that tried his best to make others lives better. Find what your goals are for your life and you will find your answer to this situation.Look at the bigger picture...Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): He sounds very confused to me. One thing, however: you tell us you asked him if it was okay to phone him, and he said it is okay.
What I would do is not to call him. Just don't contact him. See if he calls you, but don't initiate any calls yourself. In fact, while I do not recommend playing games, it wouldn't hurt to be out sometimes (and maybe you already are) and thus not available if he calls you. And/or, you could not pick up the phone next time he calls you (I assume you have caller ID?). If he leaves a message you can always return his call a day or two later.
Perhaps by being less available he will begin to get some idea as to whether he wants to try to continue with you. In any case, it wouldn't hurt to encourage him to discuss this with his counsellor next time you do speak (if he has not already talked it over with counsellor).
Finally, give YOURSELF some space! Don't deliberately be out in case he calls, but if you have plans and things to do, don't stay home thinking he might call! Just stay busy with other friends, work, and activities you enjoy! Maybe go out of town on a pleasant day trip, or have your hair done, get a manicure, or massage; do a little volunteer work - in short, whatever is meaningful to you to be involved in. Have a few sessions with a counsellor yourself, if it will help to talk this over in depth.
Hope this is helpful.
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