A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do i deal with a girl who was hurt by several ex boyfriends. I really like her but part of the reason she just wants to be friends even tho she likes me more, is because she is afraid ill do the same thing in time. How can i prove to her that i wont just get up and leave, leaving her hurt. As well as soften those fears. I really love her and i would never do what some of her exes did. It hurt my feelings when she decided to not go out with me because of this, it kind of offended me. I understand where she is coming from tho because i have been hurt as well. So what can i do about this aunts?
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male
reader, Jason means Healer  +, writes (23 March 2009):
It's better to have a relationship on a basis that she's comfortable with.If you love her right, it will help to heal those wounds and eventually restore the confidence she has lost through them.Not everybody has redeemable qualities, and different amounts also.Time will tell.She is struggling with the concept of rejection.Doubtless you have to tread carefully when you need to make a sudden departure.Infact, taking full stock of her preparedness for your departures and being over sensitive in that department will surely endear you to her and she will love you for it.Remember to always check that she is fully aware of the facts regarding leaving and be careful to explain any apparent discrepencies which might create the impression that you are abandoning her.She'll appreciate that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): maybe you're just drawn to these kind of women because you're patient and loving enough to help them get over whatever might be torturing them.i feel for you,us women are quite complicated either way.maybe being friends with her is the best thing to do for now,just don't wait for her too long.there might be less complicated women out there waiting to make your life easier.you shouldn't always have to be the patient and understanding one,it's not fair to you.you have yourself to think about as well,don't forget that.what if something happened to you and you just needed to share it with her and discuss your problems?would she be there for you?is she really worth all this?just think about whether she could offer you what you need if you were in a relationship with her.if the answer is no,then you should walk-or run-away.asap.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionO that comment came out wrong it was meant to say that we were not very close till recently.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe have been friends for a while, not super close but friends , and she is still afraid but i have never talked to her about my past tho. Maybe i should do that sometime soon. I have heard from so many people that i shouldn't talk about my exes, especially in a negative light. I can see where that may help tho. I am willing to wait, if its what it takes and i have already thought about that and have planned on setting it up where ill just be friends with her for a while longer.I always get the complicated girls for whatever reason, i feel like I detect them subconsciously or something and choose them lol, im used to it by now to a degree. But once i wish i would get a simple girl, one who didn't have problems.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): hmmm...if you really love her,all you have to do is give her time.she'll open up eventually and realise that you're nothing like those exes who hurt her.it could also help to share those experiences that hurt you with her.it might make quite a difference when she realises she's not the only one who's been hurt and it will give her strength to go on,plus i'm sure she'll appreciate the fact that you opened up to her and shared some hurtful experiences with her.it will show her that you trust her,and she will do the same.if nothing works,then that means she's determined not to let anyone in her heart and you will get deeply hurt if you continue to pursue her,so if you see that nothing is working,then you should try to move on,no matter how much it may cost you.trust me,things will be so much worse if you keep trying with her when it's clearly a lost cause.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Tell her you're not those are guys and you will treat her differently. If she doesn't believe it then, there's nothing wrong with starting of as friends. By being friends first, she'll get to know and trust you.
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