A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, thank you in advance for any answers.I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months and we were best friends for around a year before this. I've always wanted to be a bit slimmer and have been up and down with my weight and he knows this. I've been the same weight since we became a couple and he said he didn't think I was overweight and that he was happy with my body. I was pretty comfortable with myself until a few moths ago a lady made a comment about my size and due to a few other factors I became more depressed and obsessive about my size. I finally overcame this obsession and was mostly okay about my size and body. My boyfriend then told me that he wants to to be thinner and has made a few comments about it, and he has just told me he doesn't think we should have sex. I asked if it was because of weight issues and he wouldn't answer so I assume yes. I'm scared I am falling right back into that obsessive behavior. Some days I think I'm relatively attractive and get some male attention. I'm 5 foot 5 and 165 pounds. I don't want to go back to hating myself and obsessing over food because I never had time for anything else. I have tried so much to lose weight but I just naturally go up and down, I don't know what to say to my boyfriend as he has embarrassed me a lot by saying that he was happy with my size and only telling me now. My friends say I'm out of his league and most of the time I feel okay just if he sends me a message or we're together I hate myself and my body. Please help.
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best friend, depressed, lose weight, overweight Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): Honey, he is not worth it if he just wants you to look hot! Dump his ass, sooo not worth it honey.
A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 To echo what Vintage64 said, you don't need a boyfriend like that. Anybody you are with should like you for who you are. Now, if you were your current weight when you got together and then over the years gradually gained 150+ pounds, I can see your partner being concerned for your health and worrying about you. But to just automatically decide it's an issue now is a bad thing to do. 5 foot 5 inches and 165lbs is not overweight.
Don't EVER let anybody convince you you are overweight. Be it your boyfriend or anybody else. Here's a little secret: Most guys, especially experienced guys... aren't looking for girls who are stick figures. Real men like girls who are a more realistic weight who are confident in themselves and their appearance.
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A
female
reader, Beki +, writes (25 May 2010):
 If he makes you feel this way you can't be with him you need to be with someone who loves you for you. I know its hard especially if you have feelings for him but you need to think of yourself. You know obsessing about your weight is wrong and this man is making you do that. Get rid of him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): A boyfriend who has an issue with your weight needs not to be your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): There is not more you can do besides having a healthy lifestyle (eating a well balanced diet,drinking enough water and doing regular exercise).Obsessing about the way you look will only make you feel sad and insecure.We all have things we do not like about our appearance.If God wanted everyone to be the same we WOULD all be the same but we are not. Diversity is the flavour of life. A boyfriend should love you for who you are and respect you, not make you feel horrible. Try not to let his comments make you feel insecure, because maybe he is trying to make you feel that way because of his own insecurities.Talk to him about this and how you feel when he makes those comments...Worst case you will need to decide whether it is better to be with someone who cannot accept you and live miserably or be single for a while but happy and available for a real man who is not caught up in outward appearance...All the best x
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