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age
26-29,
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writes: I am an extremely calm and laid back person as a rule, but recently I have been struggling with a great deal of things: 1. My parents are having some serious issues with their marriage (I know there is nothing I can do but it is on my mind).2. My dad has said he doesn't want me to come home, I am at university but will be returning for 5 months, I have nowhere to go if I don't come home and I am searching high and low for jobs for when I get back because I don't want to do nothing for 5 months.3. I have my book launch in a matter of days and that is a lot of pressure on me.4. My parents are obsessed with the changes I've gone through since going to uni and they can't get over my tattoo even though they knew it was going to happen.5. I have medical conditions caused by stress and with everything hitting me and staying with me, it's making me worry and stress more and therefore I'm getting worse with my illness. I know the best thing is to forget the things that are going through my mind, but things are sticking. I'm not the sort of person to hold a grudge and brushing things off has always been easy, but I'm desperately struggling at the minute. I know this might be trivial and basic, but I honestly need some advice. My biggest concern and worry is coming home in April for 5 months when I'm clearly not wanted. I'm not a lazy person, I have always worked since the age of 13, I have never not been earning money and I am struggling to understand why I am not wanted when I do so much to help my family. It's only 5 months and then I return to uni and continue with life as normal. Please, any advice about any of these points would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2014): I'm going I repeat the advice about seeing someone at Uni about this. They can give you very defibate options where as we can only hypothesise.Maybe your parents need to space without you there to try and work through these marriage issues? Did you dad directly say I don't want you back? Or did he mean that maybe for your same coming back isn't the best idea because it will be hard to be around them? Also, he probably knows once you've left home coming back is crap and usually results in tensions between you and parents anyway. It's natural, you've had freedom and then you're contained in their four walls again.Whatever is happening, speak to someone at uni as they could be able to put your up in temp accommodation. Maybe you have grandparents or aunts and uncles you can visit? Good luck, no ones life is easy and this is just one of those times that's going to test your resilience but things will improve. It might be you need to talk to your parents and find out what's going on. Maybe you could visit befor April to sit down and chat with them both x
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, thanks for the advice. I have visited a doctor about my stress and he has referred me to a neurologist due to the extreme nature of my reactions, they're concerned that it's more than just stress. I will contact a counsellor the moment I get back to uni in a couple of days time.I have spoken to my mum about the incident and she was furious with what was said, my dad has apologised and said he didn't mean it the way it came out but we can all see that he's lying and brushing me off to keep my mum happy. But even though he's apologised, I can't push it out of my mind, too much has been said to me for me to keep forgiving the way I always do. As for living in uni over the summer, I can't due to financial reasons but because my family are in one of the higher bands for finance the uni say I should be able to fund it but we're in the band that is enough to live without the extra costs so it's a difficult situation. And friends aren't back from uni etc and family don't have the room to put up another person although they would try it's not plausible. I am an author and poet and I have recently published my first novel and poetry collection and so I am having a book launch on Sunday which is an added pressure at a time that I could do without but I need to do it now otherwise it will be too late. I am also in the process of going through interview after interview for various jobs for when I return for the summer and countless interviews to promote my book with local newspapers etc.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): First of all, go and ask to see a uni. counsellor immediately. Tell them it's urgent and that you are suffering from stress and finding it difficult to cope. The counsellors at uni. are usually really, really good at helping students to adapt and cope with life inside uni and changes to life outside of it. They will also be able to direct you to the right places to get practical help - for example to a doctor if you and they feel that this might help with your stress eg. to get medication if necessary, or to the welfare office or to emergency funds and so on.Secondly, if you are able to do this emotionally and psychologically, ask your Dad AND your Mum why your Dad does not want you to come home for five months. Are you sure that he meant that you are not to come home, rather than saying that he doesn't want you to, for example, in case you get upset by the situation at home? Is he angry with you about the tattoo and other things? Whatever it is, you need and deserve to get a clear reason from your parents, both of them. What your Dad is saying is potentially extremely childish, irresponsible and very hurtful for you, not to mention downright scary. But first of all you need to know exactly what he means and what your Mum thinks.If he really is perfectly serious about you not going home then either discuss this with a counsellor or go straight away to student welfare. Universities do have emergency accommodation in place for very vulnerable students but they usually keep quiet about it in order to protect the safety of students living there. Another option is possibly to stay in the halls of residence which are often rented out very cheaply over the vacation period. Not fun, I know, but better than homelessness. The welfare office will be able to suggest other ideas - you may find that, through the careers office, you can locate voluntary work for all or part of the five months and this will give you accommodation as well - for example teaching kids overseas. Maybe you've already thought of this possibility? It seems like a real option, if you can get your stress under control enough to do it. But if you do go down the route of asking the welfare to help you with accommodation you will have to explain to them that your parents have suddenly told you they don't want you to come home and may need proof of this. A doctor's letter will help to back up that you are suffering from stress and need help, so it is worth going to the doctor and getting it on record that you are suffering and it's affecting your health.Good luck, but reach out to the support system through uni, they ARE there to help you but you must get in touch with them all.
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