A
female
age
,
*crambled brain
writes:Hi All, You may remember my saga about my text cheating husband with a work colleague. When found out and confronted she told me he'd done that sort of thing before. That alerted alarm bells about a necklace he'd bought for her predecessor in 2001 which I discovered on a visa statement. He'd always told me it was a celtic cross he'd bought cos she had hers stolen and he felt sorry for her!! Anyway I rang Tiffany a few months ago after what the other woman said and discovered it was an open heart pendant ordered on Valentines day 2001. When I saw the statement in 2001 I didn't realise the order was made on Valentines day (I can't think how I didn't notice that). Anyway, when confronted he had to admit it was a heart and said it was advertised in a magazine/newspaper and he thought it would cheer her up as she was going through a nervous breakdown and off work with drink/drugs problems. He said if it was for Valentines and premeditated he would have ordered it before that date not left it until then to order which is the only redeeming thing I can give him. Anyway, those of you who have followed my story will know how horrendous it has been for me to come to terms with what he has done (we've been married over 32 years and the text cheating was discovered nearly 2 years ago now). We love each other dearly and he makes sure I know that every day. Apart from still coming to terms with the text cheating I'm now dreading Valentines day because this will be the first year that I actually have the knowledge that he bought that previous colleague a Tiffany heart even if he didn't actually present it to her on actual Valentines day. I am dreading my feelings and starting another argument which will end in tears because I will always be reminded of of what she must have meant to him to splurge out on a romatic, expensive gift. Of course he insists there was nothing going on and she was just a friend. A bit like the texting woman haha. I did read a text from this recent woman (not the heart recipient) saying they'd done nothing YET but can't be sure what happened after that as I now know they continued contact even though they'd been discovered but my husband insists only as friends as they both realised it was not going to go anywhere serious. How to I cope with Valentines day rationally? I know he'll get me a fabulous card and usually a bouquet but now I know about the heart I am sure I will make scathing comments about my present not being a heart necklace etc. I know many of you have advised me to divorce or put the past behind me but on the most romantic day of the year it's going to be soooo difficult thinking about his other 'loves'. Thanks for reading x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, scrambled brain +, writes (9 February 2010):
scrambled brain is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks agian Griffo. It will be easier said than done to shut up about them even though I have every good intention.
I know he is with me now but the hurt of the secret relationships he had with them is so, so painful. Even if they were 'only' emotional it is cutting me like a knife not knowing the extent of what they shared.
Anyway, I hope you have a special lady to share your Valentines day with too x
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (9 February 2010):
 You're very welcome. During the dinner try not to bring up anything about his girlfriends. He is with you not them and that is all that needs to be.
I hope you both have a wonderful day.
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A
female
reader, scrambled brain +, writes (8 February 2010):
scrambled brain is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Griffo,
What a lovely reply. We have a Valentines meal booked but I'm scared of it going pear shaped cos of my fear of his relationships with these other women.
I'm glad you think men can have a platonic relationship but I can't accept it wasn't more than that.
xx
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (8 February 2010):
Sometimes a man has plutonic feelings for another woman. It's rare but they may have started a plutonic friendship then and he loves her as a friend, we dont know what their relationship is but she could be hurt by someone and he gave her a little love to make her feel better. It does happen, I have a girlfriend and we are plutonic "friends" in a similar way. I send her valentines gifts and birthday gifts and she to me. I think it must be something we men do as we get older. We are so educated in our lives to give lovely gifts to women who we appreciate. And I think as we get older its a gentlemanly thing to do.
But for you, it would be nice if you both made a plan for valentines day. I'm kind of hoping he makes a surprise plan for you both (that would be the best thing for you) but I would start to organise something for you both to do anyway. That way you'll figure out if he is or not making a plan. If not, you both can go and do what you originally had planned.
Things like a naughty weekend in the country, or a trip to Paris for the weekend. or even a walk through the woods where you both can plant a new tree.
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