A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been in relationship almost 2 years with a man of 60 year old, we have 16 year of age difference. We used to work in the same work place. 2-month-ago he was relocated temporarily to a country where his ex lives permanently. He is a stable-minded, good, and honorable man. He ever told me that his ex can't move forward with her life and has strong feeling for him. I feel insecure when I know the ex is all over his place. Their pictures in different occasions are published in regional newspaper hence it is not a public secret. Since he moves to the new station, I feel the communication level starts to decrease as he said to be busy with his social life and work (he is a medical doctor who sometimes on call duty). I really guard my feeling against insecurity and demanding the assurance though I still show that I care. Often I need to pretend to be cheerful, happy, fun, and smart when communicating with him. However inside me I want to ask him whether he is still into me, he still loves me, he is not into his ex, ... million of questions! I don't want to lose my confidence and attractiveness. How to cope with my womanly feeling??? Ah!
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male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (16 June 2018):
He's younger than I am, and I can tell you the act itself starts to mean less and less as a man ages even if a man can still 'function'. It's no longer seen as self-affirmation. As Hamlet says as he confronts his mother Gertrude over her relationship with Claudius, his recently dead father's brother,
Ha, have you eyes?
You cannot call it love, for at your age
The heyday in the blood is tame, it’s humble,
And waits upon the judgment.
In other words, head now rules over 'heart', though a different part of the male anatomy actually applies in your man-friend's case. He may even find it grimly, sadly amusing if you keep badgering him about something he's finding it increasingly difficult to do, even with chemical help.
Go easy on yourself, and go easy on him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2018): Well, relationships can't grow or be sustained without mutual-trust. You have to trust him. He's only on temporary-assignment, and he's a doctor. If he's a good doctor, his schedule will not allow him but so much free-time. Especially when he's on-call. He has to be ready on a moment's notice.
It's an established two-year relationship. Not two months!
You'll just have to exercise self-control, and show your maturity through dignity and grace.
He's a doctor, so you're going to get all territorial and fight tooth and nail over him? Maybe treat him like a prized-possession? Try an keep your "womanly feelings" under some control. He frequently sees female-patients. If you can't handle the heat, you have to get out of the kitchen.
Don't describe someone as good and honorable, unless they are good and honorable. If they are, then it follows that they should be treated as such. They deserve respect and trust.
You have two choices. Act your age and trust him; or behave like someone half your age and inexperienced, and let insecurity make you crazy.
Try missing him, instead of devising thoughts in your mind he's busy cheating on you. If you can't, he deserves to find someone who can keep her sh^t together. Exes don't disappear off the face of the planet to make us feel better.
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