A
female
age
41-50,
*ander
writes:i have sacrificed a lot for this guy and he still don't want to have kids with me. he said he is too old. after all i have done for him and he still saids he is not having any kid with me, and after i know him a long time and sacrifice a lot for him.what do women think or anyone been in my kinda of situtaion where they dated a long time, broke up and then after 8 years come back into each other arms, and he made me fall back in love with him, and said the right things, and took money from me.i gave him evertyhting so he wont suffer or lose anything, but when i need him he is not there for me, and then he says he is too old to have a kid with me. that is all i been waiting on him to have a kid, and that was my dreams and hopes, and i been waiting on him since 1994. he is 42 and i am 32. is anyone been in my situtaion to know how i feel, and how do solve this problem if no one has been in my shoes. People say get over him but how can someone say that when they are not in your shoes?
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male
reader, JUNITO +, writes (14 October 2008):
I honestly know how devastated you feel. I've been with my girldfriend for 10 years, we have a 6 year old daughter, se's 48 and I'm 32. For the last 3 or 4 years I've been trying to convince her to have another child, personally I'd like to see if I could have a son. I understand there are risks to being pregnant at her age, but for the last few years I have felt as though her whole attitude has been more selfish than understanding. That's my opinion.I love her with all of my heart but this has taken a difficult turn in our lives and it has created a lot of insecurities. I almost feel cetain that this Christmas I'll be alone.I hope everything works out for you, if you ever want to talk then feel free to email me here at Dear Cupid.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 September 2008):
 Hi, Mander, I just wanted to repeat something that birdynumnums wrote on a similar question you wrote yesterday: "Instead of going forward with a relationship that has been sucking the life out of you for so long, get into therapy and find out why you are allowing yourself to be treated this way by some else for so long. You do deserve a relationship where you are loved and cherished by someone else, but YOU are the person that is allowing ALL of this to happen to You.
"""""You cannot change other people, you can only change Yourself."""""
"Until you realize this, you are stuck in the mud and just spinning the tires."
You are spinning your tires. It's really very simple.
He doesn't want a baby. He's cheated on his wife with you. He will take money from you. He will use you, and lie to you, and will do exactly as he pleases.
Do you know why?
It's because YOU let him do this. YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM, you can only change yourself. You keep asking why, and you've had some answers that explain why, but you don't seem to be grasping this. I expect that he may have been telling you exactly what he was prepared to do with you, but you are so focused on this desire for a child that you didn't pay attention.
All the money, love, attention and self-sacrifice that you bestow on him will not make one whit of difference to him. He doesn't want to have a baby with you. You are pissing away your life waiting for him to come around. You've been waiting since 1994. That's 14 years!!! Giving him another year will just subtract one more year from your potential motherhood.
He's not the right guy for you if he doesn't want to have a baby and that is all you want. The only way to solve this problem is to walk away from him, cut your losses and find a man who IS willing to treat you right and wants to have a family too. You might consider talking with someone like a therapist to help you understand the dynamics of this relationship and how you've contributed to your own pain and unhappiness with the situation. HE didn't do this to you without YOU letting him.
And frankly, he sounds like a complete and utter slimeball. Slimeballs take money from women, lie to them, cheat on their wives. They may be handsome and charming and sooo attractive, but they are still slimeballs.
Here's the link to your previous question, please reread those answers, they have really good advice there.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/been-with-him-since-his-divorce-and-he.html
Take charge of your own happiness. Take care.
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A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (12 September 2008):
 People can say get over him when they are not in your shoes, because it's COMMON SENSE.
If HE said "I DON'T WANT KIDS WITH YOU" then what need do we have to be in your shoes to understand?
You have a choice to stay with him of course, because I can see you are also having difficulty in understanding why you should forget him, but if you stay and can't have a baby you are wasting your precious time you could spend finding a "real" man.
I'll leave you be Mander, I gave you my opinion and you will continue to search for the answer you want, when in fact any sane person is not going to say, "oh you can do this to talk him into having a baby" when they see he has clearly stated he doesn't want any children with you.
good luck hon,
Michelle
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2008): You said you've been waiting on him since 1994, but being in a relationship with someone just so they will have a child with you is not right, unless it is something agreed upon at the start of the relationship. Some people just don't want to have children, or maybe he feels 42 is past the age he would like to have fathered children. You can't put all the blame on him. Saying that you have sacrificed a lot of him shouldn't mean he has to have a child with you if he doesn't want to. It seems you have been in this relationship for the wrong reasons, and you are just going to end up hurting yourself.
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