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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi--how do i convince my bf to get a herpes test?i brought up the subject calmly last night to him and said since his schedule at work changed he could finally get a test (we have been trying to get an appointment for a long time but his work always conflicted) and he got all quiet on me and i said what's wrong and what are you thinking and he said nothing and wouldn't talk to me--why did he act like that? shouldn't he want to get tested to know for himself? i sure would, and i did get tested some time ago for a bunch of std's and it came back fine...we talked before of what would happen if he really did ahve herpes 2 and i said it's just a virus and we aren't having sex with each other anyway before or after we know the result unless we get married...why did he act all distant from me? i asked him but he said nothing was wrong...does anyone ahve any advice?
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female
reader, vina_101  +, writes (13 October 2006):
 If you've already talked to him about it and he refuses... then there's not a lot you can do. You can take the horse to the water but you can't force it to drink. I'm surprised though even after you reassured him of what would happen if he did have it he still refuses. Maybe he's afraid that if he does have it you will dump him. Or maybe he's afraid of having it because lets face it, having an STD is quite daunting. Maybe he thinks you think he's 'unclean' and that you don't trust him and finds it insulting that you want him to get tested. Maybe he sees it as a personal attack on him. How would you feel if someone suspects that there is something wrong with you?Or maybe (not saying this is true) but maybe he does have an STD and has been hiding it from you? That's probably not true because I'm pretty sure you'd notice. Yeah...so how about booking an appointment for him and then the day before the appointment tell him the doctor is expecting him. Another option: Refuse to have sex with him until he gets tested. A bit harsh I know but you don't really have much choice. But before going to these extreme measures try again to persuade him to get tested also give him some reasurance.And don't forget, him getting tested is not just for his benefit it's for yours aswell. You need to know. You need to be safe and he should want you to be safe aswell. He shouldn't be so selfish, it's not fair. Oh and... good on you for getting yourself tested. A very responsible thing to do. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2006): hi, it seems a bit wierd he doesnt want to go for the test however for anyone this is an embarrassing subject, i think especially men. the herpes virus to my knowlede is the same as the coldsore virus. therefore if hes had a gf whos gone down on him he may have it. try looking for symptoms to convince him to go such as small lumps. if not try some scare tactics like syphilis is on the increase (which it is) and tell him if left undectected and untreated it can send you insane!! he should run to the clinic, if he doesnt you better off without him as that would mke him an insensitive prick.
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