A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband left me four months ago for another woman, he had been having an affair for over a year. basically i want him to come home and give our marriage another chance. (we have been married 20 years) he says he loves me but not in the right way. We are going to spend some time together soon with our two teenagers is there anything i can do to make him realise what he is throwing away, I truely beleive our marriage can survive this but how do i convince him. I really want to grow old with him. I know i will probably just have to accept things are over but if anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): you cannot do anything to get him back .but what you can do is re live your life. you need to re prioritise your wellbeing. he says he is not in love with you. ok, then. cut all contact with him. only make necessary conversation. keep your distance and show him that you are strong. do not be anyones doormat and emotional sufferer. i can really sympathise with you but in the end your life is what counts.
so start taking stock of your life:
- get a haircut, smarter clothes, new friends, new hobby.
by appearing to move on and not have this emotional bind he has over you, you may just really move on in life. by appearing unavailable he may just catch a wake up call. but by then it will be too late- you would have moved on to better. i believe you deserve it. slowly wean yourself of this man. let his mistress take on a middle aged man who doesn't know what he wants. you, please start living again and slowly opening yourself to other possibilities. i think your life has been on hold for too long now. time for the real you to come out - for yourself.
good luck
A
female
reader, Alisa  +, writes (8 July 2009):
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. 20 years is a long time, and let's face it who wants to start over. How you convince him your marriage can be saved. Simple start behaving like you have no interest in him. As long as you are letting him know you still want him, the more his mistress seems appealing. He can play with her, and still have the security of knowing you are going to be there. Take away his safety net. Most importantly, consider leaving him. If you take him back, after he knows you know he's cheated. He will cheat again. Unless you are willing to have a open marriage. You will be in this situation again. In case there is no hope, you can get some closure. Stop being available for anything. Change your look, and your attitude towards him. Don't be nasty, but don't be nice either. When he gets the kids try to not to be around. Basically be someone he doesn't know. More than likely, he will start trying to figure out what's going on, and try to get back his control. You put 20 years in with this man, you have the advantage of disrupting his thought process. Remember this situation is essentially about control.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): It's impossible to get someone to do what they don't want to do! You can't convince him that the marriage can be saved if he doesn't want to save it. I'm sorry. I know how much you want a magic answer...but there is none, Honey. I wish there was!
My advice is that you have to accept it. Keep your dignity and let go. I know it's difficult and hurts like a bastard, but you will get past it! I promise you that!
I wish you luck and future happiness!
Britt
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): you make sure you look your best, you laugh, show him you do not need him, tell him of the new and interesting things you are doing/have plans for, show him what he is missing, then you leave him be.
what he has with this other woman will undoubtably go stale, just sit back and wait. They will have there problems just like anyone else, and guess where he will go running?... back to you. only i hope by that time you do not want him.
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