A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 and a half years now. We've had a healthy relationship except for a period of time a couple years ago when things got rough. Here's the problem: Both of us are 22 and we have never had sex.I've spoken to her about having sex in the past, and at one point she was considering it, but because I don't want to pressure her, we haven't talked about having sex since then. I know that we love one another and will eventually get married (which she is looking forward to), but that will be in another 2 years. She wants to wait until we are married to have sex. I think by now, in any normal relationship, a couple would be having sex after being together for five years. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to remain patient.How do I convince her that we are ready for sex without pressuring her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers! You all have been extremely helpful. I'll update you as soon as we talk about it.
A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (13 January 2009):
 Maybe she has reservations about sex in general?
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A
female
reader, LovelyLucski  +, writes (13 January 2009):
Hey,
I'm probably coming from the same side as your girlfriend. I'm 22 and not had sex. I've been with my guy 5 years but we are getting married in the summer, for me it's for religious reasons and I'm amazed my guy is cool with that. Respect to you for waiting 5 years!
Have you tried talking about her reasons why? Or how you can make other stuff more exciting? Or why you are waiting for 2 years before you marry? And does it really matter what is 'normal'?
Hold on in there, you're over halfway there now! Just think how amazing it will be on your wedding night! Keep communicating with her how you feel without being too pushy, she might well change her mind, can be hard for the woman to resist too!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): It is all well and good people telling you to wait for 2 years. But I think that is a bad idea - over 2 yrs you may end up feeling resentment and frustration towards her (you probable feel this to a certain degree already) and this could lead to very negative things within your relationship.
And as the previous poster said, chances are - you can get married and she may still not want it or there may be further sexual problems then on. What then?? It could ultimately lead to divorce. I do not care what anyone here would say, let me tell you - sex is a VERY important part of a relationship, same as the other things such as emotions, mental connections etc.
I think you should discuss this with her - tell her how you are feeling. Say that you have been getting really down lately because you love her so much but the abstaining from sex for all this 5 years is getting you really depressed. It makes you insecure and uncertain, and sometimes you feel somewhat frustrated. And just go from there. Be honest with her and see what she says. If she truly loves you, she will try to understand - and there are still ways to compromise with this or at least meet each other halfway in between.
Good luck - you seem like a nice enough guy, but sometimes if you are too nice; women WILL walk over you - they will constantly have their way without little concern about your feelings or thoughts (because they know you are nice and will be ok anyway - supposedly!)
Good luck dude! You just need to be a bit stronger!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): What if you hold out until marriage in two years time and then find out she still doesn't want to have sex. It sure has happened before.
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A
female
reader, im_a_dummy +, writes (13 January 2009):
 well i think if you have talked to her before about it, then she knows you want it, but if she has told you she wants to wait for marriage, then you should respect that too.
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