A
male
age
36-40,
*T
writes:My girlfrnd for 4 yrs says she has no feeling for me now?Does she really mean it??The girl who used to love me so much .....suddenly became so harsh....why? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, popo  +, writes (13 January 2009):
just give her time to sort herslf out... dont call her. maybe she realised she was in love for the sake of love... and maybe the families got very close and the relationship was not deepeniing to that level...
i too am dating someone for three years now, we are very happy outside yet we are shallow... me too is close to his family and we spoke marriage, but he is not a deep person as i wish him to be... he finds it hard to express his feelings and i always have to meet him halfway...he either speaks harshly and later regrets like u do... maybe you need to learn the language of a relationship
check if she has not been playing a major role in making the relationship work... while you were relaxing and taking things for granted she now feels its time for her to be taken care of or rather to have time by her own, to think things through...
A
male
reader, NT +, writes (13 January 2009):
NT is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRecently when i talked with her , she told me she is happy without talking to me..........if she talks to me she feels bad.....
while saying this she started crying...i just told her that
"whatever happened was unintentional and happened for our good...cause i learnt my mistakes.......
i am not telling you for any commitment....can we be just be normal like we were four years back...and may be we will revisit or rethink on this....."
but she planely refused to even give it a second thought.....
I know she is very angry with me.....but when i ask her reason for not even being normal as back she tells me her feelings are zero for me...
i cant understand is this love?
if we accept positives isn't it our responsibility to take our partner back on track?
that too when i never knew that something was wrong from my side??
Is this love ??
there are somethings which i never liked......but does that mean i go and seek someone else??
what should i do now?
are relations so easy to break?
Can anyone be so harsh and rude to someone they love?
i dont know whats going in her mind right now.....
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A
male
reader, NT +, writes (13 January 2009):
NT is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe complete problem is as follows:-
I have been having a relationship with my girlfriend for the last four years.
I never knew (neither she told me) that indirectly I told her to do stuff she doesn't want to do (like going out with guy friends, talking to unknown guys on phone, taking part in public dance shows). I did all this unintentionally thinking that it's for her benefit... in a nutshell it was over protective and possessive for her. We hardly fought in the past 4 years, most of the time we talked on phone only. We made future plans, even started considering each other as husband and wife but last year after I joined a job I was not able to give her the same time as earlier, though I used to call her thrice every day
In feb 08 she participated in a dance show after which a guy called her saying he wants to be friends with her... she did meet him a couple of times and continued talking with him, without my knowledge. In september (through one of her friends) I came to know about this. I confronted her and she told me everything and also told me she didn't find it bad and that she didn't tell me because she thought that I will feel bad. After this I told her many harsh things and had a bad fight with her (for the first time) she kept telling me that her intentions were clear, that the guy even proposed to her but she refused him..... when I calmed down(the same day we fought) I felt sorry and I consoled her and we started talking again.
In november my girlfriend joined a job. She also got sort of busy, since we are in different cities I went to meet her twice in November 2008. (this was the first time we were meeting after that Sepetember incident) I don't know why but to make everything clear I asked her the same thing, she felt very bad about this, then on phone also I asked her these things a couple of times. We argued and every time felt sorry and continued talking.
I was always of the impression that whatever happens between us “OUR RELATIONSHIP is intact”. Even we had have plans to marry in coming year. She even talks to my parents as future daughter-in –law. But suddenly in December everything changed. She had her birthday on 20th December and I was about to go there but she told me that she has some official work so I canceled my trip. A day before her birthday I called her to make everything between us clear, I wanted her to enter her new birth year without any tensions. But she hesitated to talk and again the same topic came up and we had a small quarrel. I wished her happy birthday and on the next day also I called her in the night but she didn’t pick the call and when she picked after 50 calls we again fought. (I didn’t know why this happened).
After that she stopped talking to me for 2 days and on the third day she told that she wants to finish this relationship...she no longer can bear this and she also told got a call from the same person.....in a vein i went to meet her , i was surprised at her sudden change in attitude......she suddenly became so strong...she was speaking hard words.....she also told that a day before her bday she met that guy( who came to see her!!!)
She even talked to him in front of me and I saw some “love you” messages in her mobile. She told me that she needs some time to be alone, she wants to stay alone, I told her it's our issue, why this third person is getting advantage?
But she told me no one is getting advantage and she told me she likes to talk to him and no and she has even told him not to send these sort of messages.
On 28th dec she told me she doesn’t want to come back to me and even if she will come that will be a compromise. She has even stopped talking to my parents. She used to praise me for my love, care, everything. She used to take so much care of me but suddenly this has happened.
She used to cry for me and in 15 days everything has changed. I still don't sense what has happened that made her so strong... she even didn’t call me at New Year.
Her friend did call me and told me that she was asking about me... I never wanted to hurt her... our relationship was always perfect.
She used to love me so much... care for me so much and suddenly these things are happening. I don’t know why this is happening. What should I do?? Should I call her?? Or wait for her call?
I realised all my mistakes but I feel bad that if she had a problem with my possesiveness she should have told me face to face, involving a guy into this is not a good way, this is not love, not evryone is perfect. I know that guy is taking advantage of this and speaking to her those words which will soothe her, he has no commitment and hence nothing to lose at the end of the day it's only me and her who will suffer. I trust her more than myself, just in the past times I thought that our relationship was intact but I assume she started comparing me with him.
Please help. I love her so much. I miss her badly. Please guide I don't want her trouble herself...
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