A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there, Just after some help on what to do..I've known this girl for a few years now, slowly gone from flirting to becoming more. i had sex with her once very drunk a few months back and now everytime i see her we kiss/hug and talk/text everyday. i've wanted to be with her ever since i met her, so i really really happy it's turning into something! :Di think were 'seeing eachother now' considering we both agree'd we'd be annoyed if we got with anyone else. Everything is perfect! she's basically my dream girl.However, when we had sex we were both very drunk and there was no foreplay. Which was fine because i obviously last alot longer when i'm drunk!I recently found out she doesn't like foreplay at all. being oral giving or receiving or anything else?! every-time we start to kiss passionately she stops me doing anything and told me she doesn't like it because she "finds it weird". How does she expect it to happen, it keeps getting to the stage where were both really horny and then stopping.She has a perfect body.. but seems very very self conscious and now i remember when we had sex she turned the lights off.How can i convince her that she's firstly absolutely beautiful and i want to see her naked when we have sex! and secondly to do foreplay. i really like her alot and i want to impress her when we have sex. and to be honest i'm worried i won't last any time at all sober and it'll make things awkward afterwards.I would normally do a fair amount of foreplay before having penetrative sex for that reason. i've never come across a girl who doesn't even like being touched down there at least. She is pretty shy and awkward about sex, but i have a seriously high sex drive. so i don't want this to be an issue between us, as everything else is perfect as i said.And i don't want to have to get her drunk everytime i want to have sex, because she seems to relax then.Thanksx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): First female anon againCerberus comment "You really can say what you want nothing works. In fact the more you say they're not the more they believe they are and very often they get pissed off that you're so persistent" This is true...if this is a self conscious issue she is having.she wont believe a word your saying.You have to show her with actions...not words.Cerberus comment "Unfortunately in this circumstance female anon is never going to know any different until she actually lets him do those things and what's worse is that this insecurity is also probably going to be the reason he leaves her"I agree..and I know its an issue...I have been speaking to a councilor because guys I date either dump me because I don't open up to them or I leave them because Im worried of not meeting expectations or negative response.I would also just like to add, the reason I am so self conscious is my first sexual experience with someone were I did share all my body with resulted in him being very negative about my "ladybits"...to the extent he would suggest and make comments to me in regards to getting several surgical procedures done (which I never did). This has caused a lot of physiological issues for me.:(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): Maybe the longer you two are together and the more you both have sex together, the more confident she will becomeTry not to pressure her into it. make her feel as comfortable as possible then maybe gradually she will give herself into youI dont like having sex in the light because im self conscious Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): It could be what female anon said and she's horribly self conscious, so much so that she only has the will to have sex when she's drunk and she's less inhibited. Or she may just not be that into you.Either way for a guy of your high sex drive that's not good news. Because you'll have to be very patient and not only that but she may never come around to being comfortable with that. How do you make her feel that way? A lot of patience and waiting. She may come around eventually then again she may not.Personally I don't date girls like female anon (sorry but I'm just being honest) I have a high sex drive too and I just found that I am incompatible with those kind of girls sexually. I've dated girls like that and they were just too self conscious for me to be able to enjoy their body and nothing changed their mind about that. You really can say what you want nothing works. In fact the more you say they're not the more they believe they are and very often they get pissed off that you're so persistent. The only thing that works is a long waiting game until they're comfortable enough to do that with you and when that might never happen I just don't see the point."but then I worry..he wont like what he see's when im naked and won't like me anymore." Unfortunately in this circumstance female anon is never going to know any different until she actually lets him do those things and what's worse is that this insecurity is also probably going to be the reason he leaves her. If she doesn't learn to completely open up and let him in, then eventually he'll just give up altogether. OP you know as a guy we just love lady bits, all of them. All shapes, sizes, colours etc. What we can't tolerate (for too long at least) is never being allowed to enjoy them. I mean you're starting to feel the frustration now and it's only the beginning can you imagine what it would be like for you in 6 months if she still hasn't gotten over this? Let it slide for a little while. Let this relationship develop first and try not to be so keen. Maybe she's just being cautious, perhaps she feels she gave you sex too easily and feels bad about doing it drunk. Maybe she just wants to let things progress first and make things official before she starts opening up. So let that happen and make no demands. Show her she's beautiful by your actions not just your words. Try and find out why she doesn't like those things, but remember if the reason sounds like a lame excuse or a deflection then it most likely is. If this is something she is adamant she will never do or like then you may have to reconsider the whole thing. It's not being unfair and it's not being a bad person, we just can't all be sexually compatible. Just like me and female anon wouldn't be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): ok...this is just a wild guess..I Could be totally wrong on this. but
you know how some guys get all self conscious about there man bits?....well its sort of the same for some girls...we can be very self conscious about our lady bits.
I have very similar issue, I dont do foreplay at all and I won't have sex with lights on because i'm so ashamed of my body.Its bad because I have been seeing this guy he keeps going on about how beautiful I am and how he wants to see me naked...but then I worry..he wont like what he see's when im naked and won't like me anymore.
so I hope I have helped
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