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male
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anonymous
writes: I am stuck in a big fix here. and this is taking my life in a negative direction where i am losing interest in work and family and its a total unrest situation, as i am getting frustrated looking for some wise decision on this.My Problem : I am attracted too much to good looking women.There is one girl whose been my freind since a long time , and now wants to spend the whole life with me, i care a lot for her, and i think i love her also..but i dont have an excitement for her, i m not crazy for her, although i try and do anything to make her happy, but i dont miss her.This girl isnt very good looking , she might be just one amongst the crowd and maybe from 10 guys, just 2 would probably stop and look at her, though as a person, she is one girl, who can be a perfect wife, absolutely caring, amazingly in love with me, can do anything for me...and always chirpy and smiling.then i have this another girl, who was crazy for me, she is very attractive, very good looking, but high headed.. i know she cannot make me happy in long term, but her looks are stopping me in making a decision, i am so much into her, i think of this girl all the time, maybe i can say , i am so much sexually attractive for her looks and body that i am not able to make a decision as to whats right for me and whats not.This girl knows i like her a lot and she uses me On and off, for her needs like getting some things done , and i do it , dont know why!she is no more crazy for me, as she has dumped me now...but i cant forget her..now, my short relationship with girl 2 has messed my life as , i have to spend my life with girl 1 , but i have questions in my mind:1. Is Attraction everything is life? 2. Does a married life work on attraction?3. I dont miss her, what do i do? 4. Where does beauty come in, in a relationship who important is it?5. I am scared of the fact , that i say a yes to girl-1 thinking of the factors that she is too good ( i dont mind saying Perfect, she is 10 on 10 in everything else besides looks, she has a good career, she has a good family , a good attitude , and she loves me so passionately) , just looks arnt there, so, incase i say a yes to her, then this might happen then, at some point after 1-2 years , iget attracted to another women?6. How do i control my attraction to women, do i visit a Doctor?i hate not being loyal to the Girl - 1.Please help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (19 July 2006):
 Welcome to the real world!!!
Perhaps you have not met the 'right one' yet. Who says that "I have to spend the rest of my life with girl one"??!! You don't HAVE to spend your life with ANYONE.
The difference is, 'girl one' IS beautiful - it comes from within, but she is not the one for you as you do not have that chemical attraction. You can't touch, smell, see or feel it - it is just THERE, and you will know when it happens. 'Girl 2' is not the right one either as she knows that she can get any man she chooses - it happens a lot, and she will get her come-uppance when she sees the lines and wrinkles appear and she is alone because she has nothing left to attract anyone with!!
On the surface I find Brad Pitt the most handsome man on earth, but I am not attracted to him in any other way - however, I find Kevin Spacey very sexy - it is in his wit and personality, and sense of humour. Visual attraction is very shallow, like looking at a pretty picture. That is what makes advertising work. Don't be shallow, get out there and meet a few more people, you can have 'girl 1' as a good friend - IF she hasn't seen this post and had her heart broken by your harsh words...she would be feeling at the moment the same way as you have done at the cruel hand of 'girl 2'!! Find a girl who presses ALL you buttons, and remember, you won't be (visually) beautiful on the surface when you are 85!! - Think about it..I'd be intrigued to know how you get on..
A
female
reader, tyler's_cowgirl +, writes (19 July 2006):
 Attraction does play a role in a relationship, but a girl can be absoulutly beautiful and a total b*tch..Men are naturally attracted to beautiful women, someone who will look good hanging on their arm and can fufill their sexual fantesies. But chances are 8/10 times she has an aweful personality.
On the other hand there are those women who were never the most popular or beautiful girl in school. Often their lack of confidence making them humble and caring, the perfect personality.
It's hard to find a mixutre of both, but god knows the one with the humble personality will make you more happy in the long run. If you truely care for her, looks will not matter, it's what on the inside that counts.
I went through my whole like as the ugly duckling, until one day i found my soul mate. I may not be the most beautiful girl to everyone, but in his eyes i am, and that's all that matters.
In the end it's what matters more to you... do you want a girl who looks good but is a total b*tch or the girl who you know will make you happy, good looking or not. The choice seems pretty clear...
Best of Luck, Tyler's_Cowgirl
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