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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 15 and the guy i am crushing on is 19, i know the age differece is not huge but...I know most people are going to say "your too young to be dating an older guy" but i've tryed dating guys my own age and they are just WAY too immature. Events in my life have made me mature too fast, and i want to date someone who i can have a real relationship with, not just some fling.End point, do you think me being 15 and him being 19 would interfere with us having a genuine relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your helpful advice... i am fully aware of everything now. And i think against all odds we are going to try and make things work. He phoned me this afternoon and asked me if i wanted to come to a movie with him.
Even if things don't work out i won't have to wonder what might have been if we never would have try! :)
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female
reader, Cazzie Rox22 +, writes (19 July 2006):
 i aggree mostly with Irish49 + ?, but i like a guy 2 years and a week older than me and nothing is going to stop me coz i love him with all my heart..... i think if you really love him then yes go 4 it but you do need to consider the risks.
Love Always
Caz
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI totally know where your going with that Bev, and i have the upmost respect for you because you yourself has been through it. And i even though i may seem like any other babbling, full of herself, naive, know it all teenager i can truely assure you i am not. I know for a fact he is different than any other guy i have met. My dad agrees of him, my mom agrees of him, i've never felt this way about anyone, his parents love me, he grew up in a good home, he's sweet, he's caring, he's studying to be a vet,... He's one of those once in a life time, true romantic kind of guys that are in the fairy tales. I never thought i would be lucky enough to find someone like him, but i was... he respects my opinion and there are very few things we dissagree on. He's told me he loves me and were not even dating. He knows i'm a virgin and he said he'll wait till i'm ready, no matter how long, and i trust him whole heartedly. I've considered all you have said, and i think i'm will to take the risk. It's better to have loved and lost that no loved at all... because if i stop seeing him now i will always wonder what might have been, and i think that would be worse than things not working out.
Thank You for your input... =^_^=
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (19 July 2006):
 I think, at your age, dating a legal adult is going to put you in the position of forever being the 'junior partner'. At least for the next three years, and that's a long time. (If you check back on some of my responses to other age-difference questions, you see I frequently make this point.) This can be a real relationship-killer for many couples, as the older partner gets used to being In Charge of everything, because he or she has all the experience.
That means that he tends to decide where you'll eat, because he's driving. He decides what time you go, because he's picking you up. He decides what movie you see, because you can't get into the MA18+ ones. He decides where the holiday gets taken, because he has the VISA card and the dates have to coincide with his leave from work. From there, the lion's share of decisions tend to fall into his lap, so you'll end up seeing *his* friends at weekends (because yours are still in school), you'll go to venues that *he* likes (because he's been going there for months or years)...
Do you see where I'm going with this? It might work OK for you for a few months, but after a while one of two things happen: either you tend to lose your confidence in running your own life because someone else is doing everything for you, or you get jack of it, because you get tired of being treated like a helpless child.
Neither outcome is desirable.
Furthermore most -- note that I say 'most' and not 'all' -- 19-year-old men are interested in having the best possible time that the law permits. This often includes, but isn't limited to: drinking, having lots of sex, experimenting with drugs, hanging with mates, partying, going to pubs, fiddling with cars and driving fast.
Now, unless your guy is 'way different to average, there's not many activities he'll enjoy that you can enjoy with him. That's another relationship-slayer. Do you actually have enough of a basis to spend time with each other without getting bored?
Then there's the contentious issue of sex. He may want it more than you, and even if he's prepared to wait until you're of legal age - that's a big IF - you may not be really ready on the stroke of midnight on your sixteenth birthday. What if he feels like he's "waited long enough" and you're still not sure? Will you feel pressured to give it up, just because you're afraid he won't think you're "woman enough" otherwise? Lots of young women your age do.
Sure, I know you'll have million answers, and you'll be absolutely *certain* that you're different, and he's different, and I don't know what I'm talking about, so you'll go out and date him anyway. But I've been in a couple of age-different relationships (me 16/him 24 and me 25/him 41), so I know the pitfalls. If you want the Voice Of Experience, I'm it.
You asked.
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male
reader, arsalancheema +, writes (19 July 2006):
 hi, as u r worried abt the age difference. But as a matter of fact a girl is 9 times more mature than a boy of same age. So its pretty natural that ur mental level cannot b same as the mental level of a boy of ur age. So dont worry about the age and keep going.
Just keep in mind that in ur current relatipnship as u r 15 and he is 19 ...... but u r still much mature than him and may b u've experienced it a number of times.
so my dear...BEST OF LUCK and enjoy ur maturity.
thumbs up !!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Irish! :) I am fully aware of the legal risks, and i did not plan on having sex with him anytime soon... i was just wondering if it would make it harder to have a relationship (besides the legal age factor) He's able to go to bars, clubs... all that kind of stuff and i am still too young. Do you think that would jepordise our relationship? Would he be totally turned off by dating a 15 y/o?.. thank kind of stuff!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2006): When you are an adult, a four year age gap is nothing. When you are a 15 year old girl wishing to date a 19 year old, age means everything. In most countries, there are 'age of consent' laws. In other words, if you were to date this older guy and you both had sex, he could be in serious trouble. I'd give this some careful thought before pursuing it. So yes, definitely...this would be a big factor in preventing you from having a relationship with this 19 year old. Make the best decision based not just on what you want, but think of the risks involved for him as well. Good luck.
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