A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Readers, Thank-you very much for your past support.At present my daughter is at Boarding School. What I suspected would happen has, with my Mother and now Sister calling me up to 4 times a day. Previous to my daughter going to Boarding School my sister didn't contact me at all or my Mother that much to be honest. My Mother has suggested that I pull my daughter out of Boarding School after First Term and has always undermined my decisions as a mother. My sister has jumped on the band wagon and is now trying to undermine my decision making in regards to my daughter and bought a horse for my daughter that she thought would benefit my daughter despite me not even approving or seeing this horse. She then went on to say that it was my daughter's decision and not mine if my daughter wanted the horse. I told her in a text message that my daughter's Equine teacher did not recommend her getting her own horse at present and that my daughter needed to put an effort into the horse she has at the moment before getting rewarded with her own horse. I also told my sister who is a drug addict and abused myself and let my daughter down on frequent occasions in the past that I had enough of my mother and her questioning my decision making ability with my daughter and that I didn't want my daughter finishing up with problems like my sister and I, and that I wanted her and my mother to leave us alone.My sister has a 2 year old son and my Psychologist suspects that my mother and my sister are trying to keep me locked into having contact so that I can look after my sisters boy, like my mother presently does when my sister decides to go over to my mums and dump her child off to sleep off her big nights on alcohol and drugs. I have told my mother not to ask me to look after the child and that I need to start looking after myself, but my mother continues to ask for my help and continues to try to use me as a black board to dump on in regards to my sisters problems or rubbishing someone else. As of late in particularly with my daughter coming home this weekend due to the school having a Boarders Long Weekend I have decided to cut contact with my sister and mother as I am aware that it is not a healthy environment for my daugher or myself. This is proving to be difficult with my sister despite my request phoning me constantly since I told her this. I have been ignoring her calls.I am majorly concerned and experiencing nightmares about my sister and mother from my childhood and worried about them trying to get to my daughter when she comes home on the weekend. As my daughter is anti the Boarding School despite her winning a Scholarship and making friends when at her previous school she did not make any friends at all I am concerned that with my daughter knowing that my sister, mother and my daughters father have always given her an out in leaving her home with me that they will cause further parental alienation problems and poison her against me and myself trying to set healthy boundaries.What can one do if my daughter wants to see her Grandmother and my sister when I know what the repercussions will be in them denigrating my decision making which is what they have always done in the past. I have heard that if one tries to stop their child from seeing a Grandparent, Father etc having contact then the child is likely to move towards them more, but I feel if I don't tell my daughter that she is not to see them that this will create problems with my relationship with my daughter which I have experienced before to the point where she didn't want to live with me for a month due to being given an out knowing that if she didn't like my decisions that all she needed to do was to phone Nanna, my sister or her Dad.What am I to do. Take the phone away at home so they can't get to her and so that my daughter can't phone them?? and let her know that I will not allow her to see them or allow her to go and spend time with them?Please can anyone help. I am feeling extremely anxious about this. Thank-you.
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female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (12 March 2011):
 Just stick to your guns, and tell them to butt out. It's your job to decide what is best for your daughter not theirs. Maybe it would help smooth things over if you accepted the horse. With your sister and your daughter.
As long as it is safe and sturdy. I know the teacher didn't reccomend it yet but you need to give your daughter a chance to prove she can handle the responsibility or not. Before you take it away. If she fails at her job then she loses the horse and will know it is her own fault not yours.
This can also be a good way to get your daughter to agree to a deal. Like you stay at this boarding school and I'll let you keep the horse as long as you take care of it.
This is a win, win situation, because if both you and your daughter want her to stay in that school then what can your mother and sister do about it? And your sister paid for the bribe that changed your daughters mind, last laugh is on your sister. Everybody wins.
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