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male
age
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anonymous
writes:I am newly separated after 27 years of marriage. I met a wonderful woman through a dating service and have been with her for eight months. She was married for 17 years and had a kinky sexual relationship with her ex. I have no problem with that. He did abuse her though and that is what caused the split. I am living with her now and recently found some incredibly vile photos of her ex-husband naked, maturbating and having sex with a blow up doll. The pictures were taken in her new home, after the split. I did confront her and she said she merely dressed up for him in a sexy outfit, but did not have physical sex with him. She also said that alcohol was involved.I care deeply about her but want to make sure I know her. I suspect she charged him for sexual favors after the split. I also suspect that she enjoyed teasing him even after he abused her.Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): I guess I would have to ask what is it that is really bothering you? How long has she been divorced from her ex? Your question is how do you confront her but you said you did? How did she react when uuo told her you saw the photos? How does it relate to the relationship you have with her now? Is this the only thing problem you have with her? How is your past? I would say it is the past and at our age everyone has a lengthy past some good some bad. There are alot of divorced people out there starting over again. Good Luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): I agree with the last posting. It doesn't matter what happened as long as she is truly with you and the past is over. Have there been any other things? You spoke to her about it which is good. If you love her are happy then enjoy what you have. You say she's wonderful and you care deeply. If she feels the same way you do then leave the past in the past.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): just be careful she is not seeing him in the sly. maybe after a while she also became addicted to the thrill of kinky sex. did your know sometimes the very people we dispise and hate are the only people that truly know us? does this ex truly know this womans preferences?
charging him for sexual favours?? i am uneasy about this one. 8 months is still relatively new for this realtionship. maybe take things a bit slow with her. if she is used to kinky sex, then maybe there is something lacking in your department? why does she want to expose him? it is over ? or is it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your thoughtful answer. I do not know why she kept those photos. She also kept some of the kinky clothing, but only one out of two shoes, etc. He has the other half, I assume. This behavior is totally out of character for the woman I know. She says she despises him in every way. Maybe she wanted to seek revenge for his verbal abuse by exposing the photos. His career and reputation would be ruined if anyone saw those unflattering photos.
I will take your advice and let it go. I will probably never understand the behavior anyway. Thanks again.
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male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (23 June 2009):
 It doesn't matter what happened after the split as long as she has been true to you, loved and valued you since being together, thats all that matters. I am interested as to why she kept the photos knowing how much they could hurt you if found.
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