A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:2 years ago when i was 16 i had an abortion 7th march 2006 i cant stop blaming myself for killing part of me, i split up with my ex 5 months after, he seemed to be over it within the next few week.. He said that i killed his baby when it was mostly his decision to have the abortion, cos we were both at school in last year,, the pain of the abortion is emotionally ripping me apart , o have no friends after we split cos we shared the same friends, so i cannot tell people how i feel when i have tryed to tell someone i just end up crying hysterically,, i have nightmares about the day i had the abortion i remember the day as if it was yesterday i went into the op room and i was screaming and crying let me out let me go.. Im crying as o write this,, the doctor said i have taken the pill i cannot change anything now ,, i even had to go the clinic on my own i was prayig that i didnt wake up on that table,, they done whatt they had to do and i left in an emotional state i went to school the next day and cryed all day on my own ,, i have not had a relationship since my ex as im scared history will repeat itself and i will be pregnant and i feel as though i dont deserve a baby the abortion haunts me to this day,, i know it was my fault for falling pgnant at such a young age but i regret ut so so mich if i could turn back tome i certainly would,, when i see a new mum happiky pushing her baby i fell so jelous i m waffling on here so my question is how do i try to come to terms with this and live my life as ishud? X
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): I am a 40 year old woman who had an abortion about 8 years ago. I can tell you that I have had regrets, when I never thought I would because I have always been in favor of the women's right to choose. I have 5 children and my husband and I made a choice which I'm not really quite sure was the right one. What I can tell you is that you are experiencing pain, but that pain will heal with time. In my case, the thoughts about the "baby" that could have been seem to pop into my mind less frequently and the pain I feel is less.My advice is to NEVER tell anyone about your abortion unless it is a therapist or someone who you absolutely can trust would never tell another soul. Believe me, people are not all in favor of the right to choose and they would never, ever understand your point of view.The one way I have dealt with my guilt and pain is to do things in my life that will help others. For instance, I became a special educator. I feel it is my way of helping and sacrificing my time as sort of a "pay back" for what I have done. In your case, you are a very young lady. You made the choice to have an abortion because you are sooo young and have so much ahead of you. Soooo, now is the time, to stop thinking about the regret you've had, get up and start thinking about something you can do to live your life in a productive and manner. That's why you probably had the abortion in the first place, right? You are still young, so I wouldn't focus on being jealous of mothers with babies. You will have your time, later in life----just the same way you planned before the abortion. I know plenty of other girls who have had abortions and they all eventually had happy, healthy kids down the line. Right now, you need to realize that it's okay to think about the abortion. There might be guilt, but that's okay. Pray to your baby. Choose a day for its "funeral", and after that, dedicate your time to improving your life, giving back to your community and others by living a productive, responsible life.As far as being afraid of getting pregnant again: there's only one way to dodge that bullet. Get on the pill or use a condom (every time). If you sit and sulk and feel anxious over the decision you've made, you'll go nuts. Get up, get out and do something with yourself! Good luck!!
A
female
reader, pumpkyns  +, writes (30 June 2009):
dear everything happens for a reason even our choices. i had a friend who had to have an abortion because the baby was killing her but she felt the same way. the entire experience ruined her relationship and she felt like she was all alone in her pain. it's a hard thing to have to pick but you had your reasons and think of what could have been. especially being only 16 at the time and still in school. would you had help with this baby someone to watch it while you went to school or money to buy what it needed. having kids of my own i will tell you that a lot of people will look down on you and me probably for what i'm about to say but kids are hard and life changing. at 16 i doubt you could have coped with what a baby would throw at you. even thought your choice was an extremely difficult one you did what you had to and what you thought was right at the time. as for the boyfriend he sounds like a jerk. of course it's easier for someone to be blamed then to take blame but just see how he's acting after the fact do you think he would have stood up and been a man and took care of what he helped made? no i doubt it considering how you said he acted. if i were you i would find some closure and just be 18 i'm not saying forget the life of you would be baby but you can't let this stop you from living. my friend actually made a make shift grave for her baby and every year she would visit and she finally was able to move on and she ended up getting married and having kids. just remember that with life the only one who has to understand your choices is you and everyone else who is negative has no clue what you had to go through to get to what you picked. i would just take it one day at a time and try not dwell on it. not trying to be heartless but what's done is done. hope this at the very least helped. i truly feel bad for what you had to go through. i hope everything works out for you.
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